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Almost every movie this year has been a remake, a sequel, or an adaptation from a novel or comic book. Many like me find this to be a sad sight in the realm of films which is why many say that Hollywood hast lost it’s originality. In reality I think the reason why studios don’t put out fresh content is simply because it’s too much of a gamble to them. Putting out something already familiar is a lot easier than something new because they already know there is an audience so it’s guaranteed at least a few bucks whereas if you put something brand new out it’s hit or miss, and they’re afraid to take that risk which runs contrary to the whole point of making films where regardless of what the project is it’s gonna be a risk. And unfortunately this business practice affects not only mainstream cinema but also independent. The standards for indie films have greatly changed in the last ten years. It used to be if you had decent content and acting from people you’ve never heard of you could shoot it on a camcorder and several years later make a box office flop with Ben Affleck. Now if it’s not done on a professional-grade camera with someone familiar you’ll be lucky if it even gets past the submissions board because of originality and also the cost of things. Another part of why they choose not to gamble is because everything costs more to make it, not so much as it is the production itself but the people involved have raised their price. Many people involved on screen live so lavishly and for seemingly no legit reason. I believe I’m starting to digress. What follows are several examples that prove my point as well as the other concept. These are are many upcoming sequels, remakes and adaptations that have been announced or are in some form of production.

The Karate Kid – ANNOUNCED
For those out of the loop, it has been announced that an attempt will be made to remake the classic ’84 movie about a boy named Daniel being mentored by an elder Asian man named Mr. Myiagi who protects him from a group of bullies who later challenge Daniel to a karate tournament. On paper, horrible idea. Firstly, the reason why it’s called a classic is because it is a fantastic movie, which means you don’t fuck with it by remaking it (or doing a shitty mock-up with Chuck Norris.) Second, Pat Morita who played the iconic Mr. Myiagi tragically is no longer with us so the idea of replacing him is downright daffy. But if you thought it couldn’t get worse it does. Will Smith is producing it… for his son as the role of Daniel. At this time I’ll wait until you wipe the blood away and get stitched up from slamming your head into your desk. When I found out that he was behind this masquerade I was furious as you might know given my previous tear into Mr. ID4. Sony has thankfully said no to the idea, not of the remake as a whole but to Smith’s son as the lead. Comforting, but not entirely. And then last night/this morning I read this which made me want to punch everyone in the fucking throat. If you’re too mad and fearful to read, Smith’s son wants to take out the famous crane kick that happens at the very end of the movie during the karate tournament due to young Jaden wanting to “use some moves that he has seen playing video games on his Xbox.” (Momentary breakdown — FUCK YOU!!!) Luckily Will has some sense and is convincing him to nix the idea, but better yet how about can the project period so the suicide rate doesn’t explode?

Short Circuit – ANNOUNCED
In ’86 Number Five came alive with Ally Sheedy and Steve Guttenberg. Now in 2010 Number Five will be raped and left for dead as it will be one of the many thousands of remakes set to come out. I consider this movie to be a part of my childhood even though it came out two years before I was born, but regardless it’s one of many movies I hold close to me and is considered a classic to many people and as I previously stated you don’t fuck with classics. Dimension Films has bought the rights to remake the movie with the original writers. Regardless, NO! Because the way films are made now-a-days Johnny Five will be this super-sleek CG robot with more weapons than the Terminator and little to no heart as it had in the original since the men with money really write the script. Not to mention but I don’t think Sheedy, Guttenberg or Fisher Stevens wanna revisit something that was fine to begin with. I’ll only see it if I can get a little remote controlled Johnny Five from “Short Circuit 2.”

I Am Legend Sequel/Prequel and Hancock 2 – ANNOUNCED
If you thought Will Smith could ruin only one movie, wrong again. Now I’ll say that I really dug “I Am Legend”, I thought it was a fantastic movie with really badly done CG monsters. “Hancock”, tolerable but nothing all that great about it. Probably a movie that we could’ve done without. Are either one good enough to warrant another movie? I think not. Both of these have been announced and confirmed by Will Smith. As I said I dug “I Am Legend” but there really isn’t anymore story to tell, it’s source story by Richard Matheson didn’t feature a prequel or sequel story so just leave it at that. According to an article (found here) the story for the prequel basically shows the last days before Dr. Neville becomes the last human on Earth, showing a convoy between Washington DC to Manhattan which are the last two major cities to fall. Unless Michael Bay directs this, the whole purpose of making this won’t make sense. “Legend” is fine by itself, leave it alone. Ironically this movie is a take on both “Omega Man” and “The Last Man On Earth” which also only had the one movie and no continuations. As for “Hancock”, again no real purpose for a sequel other than beating a dead horse for money.

Monopoly, Ouija Board — ANNOUNCED
Two projects, two vastly different directors, one big confusing mess. It’s been announced that the two popular board games are to be turned into feature-length films. “Monopoly” is looking for Ridley Scott (best known for movies like “Blade Runner”, “American Gangster”, “Black Hawk Down” and many more) to helm the director’s chair for this while “Ouija Board” is in talks with Michael Bay. I think that the only reason Ridley was asked was because he’s known for making long movies that are good, which could be interesting since the game generally goes on like a hostage situation — there’s lots of money involved, everyone’s pissed off and ready to kill and at eventually someone goes to jail. There’s only one movie I can think of where this kinda thing was pulled off and that was “Clue”, but there was already a story in place for the game so it was easy to do. Monopoly isn’t a game, it’s a stress test. If anything it won’t be a movie based on the board game but just something that carries the same name. And Michael Bay’s “Ouija Board”? What could possibly generate a story? Steve Buscemi sells some college kids a Ouija board that makes things explode every six seconds? Firstly, no. Secondly, no. That’s not even really a board game, just a popular thing for goth kids in the ’80s. The problem with these board games being turned into movies is because the games themselves don’t have a plot behind them, it’s just like “Tetris” there’s no story there the purpose of it existing is simply to just have fun (except with Monopoly.)

Ghostbusters III – ANNOUNCED
Now this is another movie series that I’ve loved since I was a kid and for the longest time I was hoping to see them come to the screen for the first time (for me anyways, I was too young to see it in the theaters. First one I wasn’t born yet and the second I was only a year old.) However I’m like many fans who have already composed the third movie in my head so my expectations are kinda high. But the moment they said that they would be teaming up again for a video game that doesn’t suck my jaw went through the floor. With it’s release from now Atari on the rise for the closest thing to a sequel wheels are in motion to possibly bring back the crew for one more round or bring in a new team of Ghostbusters. A couple years ago I might’ve been in favor of it but would’ve needed further convincing since it’s been in talks for the last decade and I just think that it’s been way too long for this to go down. Then it was announced that Judd Apatow (director of “The 40 Year-Old Virgin” and producer of “Superbad” and the cinematic of Seth Rogen) would possibly be producing this with two writers from the American version of “The Office” writing the script. Now I have nothing against Apatow or “The Office” crew but that’s just bad written all over. But since the first two movies and the upcoming video game were written by Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Ivan Reitman it can be trusted whereas in someone else’s hands you can’t help but be skeptical. Then they announced that Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd and Romany Malco (all who starred in “The 40 Year-Old Virgin”) were being considered for the next installment. Again, I have nothing against any of these guys I respect and dig their work but that’s a horrible fucking idea. Even Rogen said that his name attached sounds bad. If the original writing team works on it then I’ll be more behind it, until then it’s up in the air.

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