RKNet Blog… thing

Hot:

Disclaimer-by-way-of-Prologue – I sat down and thought to myself: “Suppose I was to solicit some kind of bodily coupling through something like craigslist, in an area where these kind of services are clearly not at their peak usefulness?” This is the result of that thought process. (I may have also been letting my mind wander after reading Curvy. [NSFW] So, you know, whatever.) I couldn’t necessarily decide if I wanted to put it in the fiction category or not since it’s more of a “thought experiment” so I decided that the almighty FNORD would be perfectly adequate here. There is a certain amount of temptation to go ahead and post this to see what kind of responses it would turn up, but at the same time I’m afraid that the rage caused by attempting to read the painfully infantile responses that I would anticipate from such a posting would cause me to have a stroke. The other terrifying alternative is explained below, and the consequences would be no different if I were joking or serious, because some people just don’t get that other people having sex is none of their goddamn business and they, therefore, have nothing to be afraid of or disgusted by if they just take the unimportant information of who’s doing what with their naughty bits and just put it out of their mind entirely.

At any rate, the questions for the readers might be this: Would you respond to a personals ad on a site like craigslist? Would you POST a personals ad on a site like craigslist? HAVE you done either of those things, and how did it turn out if you did? I myself have always been extremely particular about my partners, so I can’t actually imagine following through with something like this, but the idea intrigues me and I am interested to hear from people who’ve been there and done that. Comment! Your email will never be published here, and if you’re worried about something like that anyway, don’t forget there’s always hushmail.

You know, this is totally crazy. I mean, New Hampshire is a pretty small state, the seacoast area doubly so from what I’ve noticed. Yet here I am, typing this up as if I’m really and truly considering putting myself and my partner up on the block to be passed over (or worse taken up) by people we’d potentially never think twice about, much less set up an intimate relationship with. An even further terrifying thought is the idea that someone I actually know, or heaven forbid work with, would actually come across this and be able to identify who I am by the way this is written or the location I’ve specified.

Not that it’s any of their business anyway. After all, if I’d wanted to include them in my sex life I probably would have just gotten extremely drunk and asked by now. Still, even if lots of people do this (and you must be at least interested or you wouldn’t be here reading this, would you?), and it’s really not that big of a deal, and if anything it’s safer and more cost effective than trolling bars, it would undoubtedly be seen as some kind of transgression of society and be laughed at heartily and most likely jeopardize my good standing with certain less open minded individuals. It’s really an unfortunate state of affairs (no pun intended).

So the first question that I must ask of you, dear respondent, is how do you deal with the knowledge that this ostensible stranger you’re contacting may be someone you know? Furthermore, how do you deal with the knowledge that you actually know nothing about this ostensible stranger if indeed they turn out to be someone previously unknown to you? A relatively decent answer to either one of these questions will also help me establish that you are not some kind of weird robot intent on selling me man-bits-enhancing-laced flapjacks or whatever it is they’re pushing these days with the spam.

Clearly, this process would have to start with some kind of meeting sans sexual expectations. Not that he or I would be looking for anyone interested in forging a lifelong bond of inseparable friendship and omfg-limbs-everywhere sex, but it would be nice to know beyond a simple reply message whether or not the person we intend to meet is some kind of mouth-breathing troglodyte before we get to the clothes off stage of things. I also naturally assume that, like me, you will want to be seeing the person whom you’re considering climbing into bed with – totally understandable. Well, I won’t be posting any photos of myself or my significant other on craigslist, as that erodes what little sense of safety in anonymity craigslist actually provides (see also that “small state” comment from the beginning). That said, I know that pictures are helpful to bridge from emails or phone calls to the next actual meeting step, and I’ll be happy to send one along as soon as I hear from someone who seems like an interesting person (that I don’t already know). I am in my late 20s and he is in his early 30s, and neither of us are body builders but we are also not sacks of human waste with eyes, so that’s a plus.

Oh, and what we’d ideally be looking for is a woman, between the ages of 19-35, or maybe even a couple in that age range (male/female or female/female would be fine, male/male might be too many man-bits to for either my partner or I to deal with, sorry guys), who takes interest in or at the very least does not take exception to the following:

• Substance use (for the sake of legality I will say booze and cigarettes)
• Terrible B movies, and not-terrible movies centering around sci-fi, history, or abstract concepts
• Discussions about esoteric philosophy, science, computers & the internet, art, video games and comics
• Relatively obscure/eclectic music including but not limited to medieval Serbian folk music, The Fleet Foxes, of Montreal, Daft Punk, Guided By Voices, and the soundtrack from the Katamari games
• Keeping things completely and totally out of the commitment zone.

(By now anyone who really knows me has probably figured out who I am by the contents of this post, and if you – for whatever reason – want to talk to me about this by all means respond, or speak to me privately. Should I discover that my request has been aired in whispers all over the fruited plains I shall be very disappointed in humanity as a whole.)

If you are still interested after this confused diatribe and wish to contact my partner and I about this (flight of fancy I have decided to) post (without telling him) then please feel free to respond. I look forward to the kind of unique interest something like this can generate.

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