RKNet Blog... Thing

Ok so admittedly it isn’t going to be quite that big, but it does give me an opportunity to use the first WTK vocabulary term: brobdingnagian.
This originates from the Jonathan Swift novel, Gulliver’s Travels. The term was coined as a reference to the city in which Gulliver visits where everything is just huge. This reference isn’t perhaps as deviously amusing as smirking and using air quotes when you call an idea “a modest proposal” but still good for earning brownie points with the literary set.

The next word is one that anyone can probably find an application for: quidnunc. Sure, it sounds obscure, almost technical, like it ought to be something you forgot when it came time for your biology exam on the parts of an insect. Trust me, this one will apply to you. The word comes from the latin for “what’s new?”, and is meant as a derogatory term for that slime who always asks how you’re doing because they are looking for something to spread around the office behind your back. I just did some poking around for this relatively obscure term, and there was a paperback poetry book released just this year with the title of Quidnunc. It doesn’t have any reviews yet, but then again, how many people deliberately collect new poetry? (No really, I’d love to meet someone who collects new poetry.)

Our third entry in this enlightening vocabulary cavalcade brings to mind the Theremin and its haunting warble: hemidemisemiquaver. Technically this is a 1/64th note. I discovered one tab for Led Zeppelin’s epic Immigrant Song that shows the use of the hemidemisemiquaver. I also saw some inconclusive references to Hendrix, King Crimson, and Dreamtheater. I’d expect that kind of lightning finger work from any of the guitarists in that roster. Do any of your favorite songs incorporate the whip-smart hot licks of the hemidemisemiquaver? Would you know if they did? Because ~I~ sure never learned to read music. Maybe I was just too truculent when the idea of joining band came up?

The last word for this edition of WTK sums up in one term why I generally don’t talk politics: mugwumpery. It sounds like a term out of a popular children’s set of novels which I won’t bother naming since you’ve likely already guessed which, but it’s roots are pure American politics. It was coined in the 1880s to describe people who bailed on the Republican party in response to the party’s nomination of James G. Blaine, who was apparently a totally corrupt nogoodnik. Harsh. Nowadays, however, the term mugwump is used to describe someone who either can’t make up their mind about an issue, or chooses to remain neutral on a controversial issue. Or a spineless, waffling ne’er-do-well, in other words. Just like me! :D

Stay tuned for more exciting trips to big word land. Until then, use your words, and keep they heads ringin’.

I suppose it goes without saying that I am, overall disappointed and disgusted in the United States media. However, the blatant negligence on one particular issue has me outraged: on Friday, September 26th a radical, anti-Islamic group in perpetrated a terrorist attack against more than 30 children at the Islamic Society of Greater Dayton, a mosque in Dayton Ohio. An unknown gas described as a “chemical irritant” was sprayed into the window of the daycare center at the Mosque during the Ramadan ceremonies.

The attack came just days after thousands of copies of the anti-Muslim “documentary” Obsession, was distributed to millions of voters in across the country’s swing states. The DVD’s were inserted in major newspapers (why the fuck not?), and distributed my mail to residents of Ohio.

The release of this video, by the Clarion Fund (a non-profit organization whose mission is to “educate Americans on issues of national security,” and whose primary focus is on the “most urgent threat of radical Islam”) is timely - with elections in just 5 weeks and national security a hot-button issue.

You might be interested to learn that there’s a “presidential campaign edition” of the Obsession DVD, which carries the endorsement of the chair of the counter-terrorism department of the U.S. Naval War College. The Patriot News of Harrisburg, PA ran a story stating that the Clarion Fund web-site ran pro-McCain literature before attracting notice and subsequently being removed. Additionally, as reported by NPR, one of the major promoters of the DVD is Joe Wierzbicki who is active in two anti-Obama political action committees.

Now, bear with me. I’m not saying that John McCain was behind the distribution of this video, nor am I suggesting that the McCain camp is in any way responsible for these disgusting actions. What I am suggesting, however, is that EVEN with potential ties to a presidential candidate, America does not care about terrorism against Muslims. The media is more interested in covering the new fashion trends sparked by America’s favorite “milf” (of course I’m talking about Sarah Palin’s now famous rimless glasses).

You can bet your ass if this had been an attack on an Ohio church, for example, the media would be all over it like my boss on Sarah Palin, proclaiming (with little or no basis in reality) another Islamic attack on America. However, the story has gotten little exposure in the mainstream media as of yet. What gives? Why isn’t this story receiving more coverage? Muslims in America are one of two things: feared or ignored. This media blackout has got to stop.

This is a subject I have been thinking about for about six months now. If you’ve listened to me gibber, rant and rave about American politics in #ectomo (Efnet) then you’ll have heard this all before. But I think it’s a valid point to make and keep making. I’m not an American. I do not even wish to become an American. But I do admire the American political process as a good idea. I don’t know who said this, but someone must have said something along the lines of: “America, nice idea. Shame about the implementation.” I’ve a feeling it was Warren Ellis. So yes, I like a lot of Europeans who think that republicanism and liberalism are good things watch American politics with great interest. We are always ever ready to quickly shout our views at the American populace. Normally in one united voice of saying “don’t vote for the fucking idiot”. If my blatant pro Obama stance is going to get me shouted down by some roaming troll I’m just agreeing with most of the planet. However we don’t have a voice in the American general elections. It would seem a simple nicety if we did since America currently (although sliding) is the superpower that tries to tell the rest of the world what to do. So why do we care so much?

It’s Big Brother! Not the Orwellian totalitarian state. Not directly at least. But the TV show. It must have started a new season about six months ago in the UK. But why do we outsiders care so much about the American political process? Because it’s the most entertaining multimedia reality event every four years. Yes, Europe cares because it is another state like France who early in the modern era rebelled against the shackles of monarchy and cried out for liberty (let’s ignore slaves, vote most men and all women for later). Like France it is a modern first-world nation with strong notions about liberty. Unlike France however most of its media is produced in English, a language that the rest of the world understands. That means we can follow the election. That means we have the ability to follow on hundreds of TV stations, millions of newspapers inches, uncountable numbers of blogs; basically everyplace that produces news and comment about current affairs is talking about the election. It’s pure entertainment for us. The world decided who we wanted to win long ago. We don’t want the old fart and we definitely don’t want the Barbie Doll hockey mom. They don’t stand for American values. Or at least the American values that us outsiders see. For the past eight years it’s been the party that hasn’t won that we wanted. We’re at fever pitch now. We want our candidate to win political Big Brother.

That’s it! That is the only reason I care about American politics at the moment. But the tone of distant entertainment is evident in our media commentary on the event. Sure, we all have ardent political positions we’d like to see in action over there. I for one would like to see a bit more lite socialism creep into American politics. Do any of you guys remember how great “The New Deal” was? But it doesn’t directly change our lives. America is still going to bomb innocent people in the “war on terror”. It’s still going to offer much more aid to those who desperately need food, clean water and AIDS medication to those who need it. But for those of us in the first world; like in Europe. It doesn’t actually affect us. We care because it’s fun to care.

While writing this Will had the new Mogwai album “The Hawk is Howling” on. Unsuprisingly it has an American bald eagle on the front of it. It is a good album and has song titles like: “I’m Jim Morrison, I’m Dead” and “The Sun Smells too Loud.”

LOL HAY GUISE. Disregard that I… you know what, nevermind, just… check snopes prior to reposting. See bottom for intro to relevant conversation. KTHXBAI.

I’m against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up… So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

• Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved.
• Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads.
• Put away money for college – it’ll be there.
• Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
• Buy a new car – create jobs.
• Invest in the market – capital drives growth.
• Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves.
• Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else.

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it… instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( “vote buy” ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG – liquidate it . Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up. Here’s my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t. Sure it’s a crazy idea that can “never work.”

But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 billion We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC.

And remember, thie plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh…I feel so much better getting that off my chest

Editor’s Note: This was sent to me by my mother. I do have an email address of the original author of this, which I won’t publish here to save them spam. I will try to get a proper credit for this. In the meantime, if you like this idea a lot better than what’s been proposed, start talking about it! Talk about it even if you hate it. Either way, start talking!

Second Editor’s Note: It has come to my attention, thanks to the savvy of commenters and my own lack of homework, that the CORRECT payout, if the money were to be distributed to the approximate 200 million eligible US voters (which was about the number from the 2004 election), it would only amount to 425 dollars, not gorgeously seductive $425,000 previously quoted.

While it’s not the super-happy-fun-time I’d wanted to believe in, this leads to a change in the pre-existing and still very criticial discussion though:
Does that idea get reworked?
Do you cut out any household over a certain income level?
Do you conduct a survey to give citizens a chance to have their case reviewed for their debt to be bailed out just like the government proposed to bail out the debt of these companies?
Is a large scale government bailout at any level simply more harm than good?
Where does the responsibility of the consumers come in?
The responsibility of the companies?

The economy is not quite as easy to ignore as the actual government, because by having money at all you’ve agreed to participate in a system that follows certain rules and flows with trends in things like “buyer confidence” and other frighteningly nebulous concepts. (Which probably make a lot of sense to other, much smarter people, or at least more aneristic people.)

So, let us continue to focus on these issues and work on solutions - right, wrong or indifferent - because as long as we agree to play by these rules, then we’re obliged to learn how to make this game work for us. It’s your life, what do YOU want to do with it?

If someone reliable could tell me when in the future films would become solely based on finances it’d certainly save me the hassle of looking up articles on the Internet. If someone told me it would be next week I wouldn’t be shocked in the least since in it’s current state it’s just about at the point where it’s not about telling a story but a good way to rope in a few thousand people and scam them out of $10 because Will Smith pretends to act (I’ll get into that in just a moment.) As an up and coming independent film maker I have many issues of how things are dealt with in Hollyweird. To rattle of several quick ones — planning sequels months prior to the film’s release (it’s a half-cocked gesture mostly from the studios and regardless of how good you think it is or how profitable you believe it will become you must keep in mind the judgment of the public will have the real say), the MPAA and their rating system and advertising standards, 20th Century Fox (I’ll get into them later as well), studios pushing for PG-13 ratings for a wider audience (I don’t care what educational background you have but to try and make “Punisher: War Zone” PG-13 because “The Dark Knight” conveniently was and made a shit-ton of money doesn’t make it just. How can you make a man’s head exploding soft-core?), and painful “actors”. Let’s break it down, kids.

In case you haven’t noticed that for the last several years 20th Century Fox has prowled on modern celluloid like a drunk man in a bar or a 13 year-old white kid from Iowa who thinks he’s black, they think showing their cock will win affection. Wrong. Lately they’ve really been pouring gas on themselves. The bigger stunt recently is their lawsuit against Warner Bros. over upcoming comic book movie “Watchmen”. The studio claimed that Warner Bros. didn’t hold the rights to make the Alan Moore graphic novel or at least distribute the picture, never minding the fact that Warner Bros. owns DC Comics/Vertigo for which the graphic novel resides on.  So now they are currently in a legal battle to do either one of two things — make it so that Fox is the distributor (which can only mean they will ghastly edit the movie into a mind-numbing 90-minute feature that contains only the parts where there is fighting and shit blowing up with no intellectual transition) or to completely wipe the movie’s release date off the calendar completely, never releasing it. Though luckily given that the justice system moves about as fast as tree sap downhill in the winter the trial may not actually begin until January of 2009, a mere two months before it’s slated release date. Given that Fox has a tendency to shoot their wad like they know what they’re doing chances are (this is at least wishful thinking) the case will rule in Warner Bros.’s favor.

Another valid point that Fox has no idea what they are doing to tell a story visually is going around the creators to have it your way. This is unprofessional and also a dick move. One instance stated in the following article is on the upcoming “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” which tells the tale of how Wolverine came to be (Weapon X program, scrapes with Sabertooth, etc.) and needless to say a very dark tale which requires seemingly dark environments.  One such environment was changed without the director’s knowledge. What called for something “dark, dinghy and somber” was changed to something less depressing with lighter colors and cleaner textures. Now if in the correct fashion this can work in favor but unless you’re doing some “One Hour Photo”/”American Psycho” clean-looking thriller then you are a pussy of a film maker. Changing a set’s design to something more cheery (a colorful euphemism) is almost a denial of reality itself, thinking it can’t be this dark and disgusting when in truth it can be because it fucking is! You can’t cover a bald Kevin Spacey in Laffy Taffy and believe he just killed Brad Pitt’s girlfriend (if you can, please lower your dosage.)

Changing lanes here — YOU CAN’T PUT WILL SMITH IN EVERYTHING! Okay, chances are I’m blaspheming here but you know what I have to say this, why should I really give a shit about a movie because Will Smith is in it? Because conveniently 98% of the movies he’s done have raked in billions?  Will Smith isn’t that fantastic an actor. His barometer for character ranges from a good guy who says “fuck” a lot to a good guy who doesn’t say “fuck” at all. Occasionally he’ll mix it up and have the good guy be a bit of a dick or an arrogant douche but for the love of God just knock it off. It doesn’t matter how fantastic he seems you can’t cast him as “The Karate Kid” or Captain America, it’s wrong on every level imaginable to the sane. If I could ever afford his salary for a movie I’d have him play a serial killer who hardly speaks just to break the mold, and when he does speak it’s in a strange language. To help illustrate my point, whenever I see a movie that has Will Smith in it I know it’s Will Smith, I can’t believe he’s anyone else. I can believe Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne and Trent Reznik, I can believe Josh Hartnett as Slevin Kelevra and The Salesman, but you throw Will Smith into a role I’m gonna know it’s him regardless. Captain Hillard, Muhammad Ali, Jesus Christ, I’ll only think, “Oh, hey, Will Smith.” You may think I’m daft for uttering or even thinking such a thing but I’ve heard a similar tear about Christopher Walken and look at his fucking acting skills. (Inside joke: 111th biopic on Andy Warhol starring Chris Walken.)

A couple other mini-rants. If you’ve never been to Massachusetts or talked to someone from there for more than 20 minutes then it’s news to you that often people from their have a habit of shooting their mouth off. Mark Wahlberg is from Massachusetts, so for him saying that Max Payne could take down Batman in hand-to-hand combat makes sense coming from him but is ghastly offensive to the point where if I saw him in a pub I would shatter the closest bottle near me and jab it into his eye socket. First of all the two characters are miles apart, Payne wants revenge for his wife’s death while Bruce Wayne/Batman wants justice for them and others. And also dropping the obvious factor to play in, he’s fucking Batman. Imagine if you will a man standing before an expert martial artist who is performing a series of moves for intimidation and Joe Guy takes him down by jabbing him in the throat. And in the interview where he made this claim he mentioned it was strictly in the matter of fisticuffs, not the box office which shows even more delusion since if you’ve seen any previews for “Max Payne” you’d know that Fox has ruined another video game on the big screen. Well kids I’m putting out the ashes for now. My next piece will detail the new releases of Metallica’s “Death Magnetic” and Nine Inch Nails’ “The Slip”, and how the two contrast each other. See you on the other side, keep it sketchy.

=Sketch/Ed

Call this liberal horse hockey. Call this leftist ideology. Really, you can call it whatever you want, because I don’t give a flying shitcake. If what you get from this post goes anywhere near “anti-American” than you can feel confident that you have severely missed the point and there is a lonely noose in a stuffy room somewhere, looking for a dinner date with you know who.

My hope for this article is for it to be the nailgun-to-the-temple for the chronically confused. Those who think Jason Giambi is an amazing athlete. Those who mistake Irving Kristol for an American Cowboy. Those have never seen a Kohran, a Torah, or a copy of The Bluest Eye. Those who think of Gary Glitter and say, “well… he did have a couple good hits…” These words are for William Donahue, Clarence Thomas, Chris W. Cox, Eliot Spitzer, Dorchen Leidholdt, and the ghost of Isaac Hayes.

“Hey man, leave Black Moses out of it.” Fuck you.

Let me start by saying there are things about John McCain that I really like. He is certainly one of the better representatives from his party. Do I think the forty-fourth old, crusty white-man in a row is what is going to bring change to the White House? No. But is he a decent Republican candidate considering the last couple elections? Yes.

Some people (mostly supporters) have called him a “Maverick.” Let it be known that the only true Mavericks are Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise – and one of them is an undeniable racist, while the other is more out of control than Criss Angel’s ego (and just as creepily homo-erotic). John McCain may have been a Maverick back in his day, but the 1920s are long gone and – while he does maintain some strong attributes – “Maverick” is most certainly a bit of an overstatement.

But this isn’t about John McCain.

This isn’t even really about politics - more about “what the hell are people thinking these days?” What’s that? Get to the damned point, you say? Fine. This post is about McCain’s running mate, Sarah Palin. So let me start my argument off with SARAH PALIN, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? Have you seen Sarah Palin? Tell me this is a dream. A bad, bad dream. Just when I was starting to think that there may be two interesting Presidential candidates in the upcoming election Father Time from Arizona has an Alzheimer relapse and decides it would be best to pick a retardedly unqualified Governor from a state that many people forget is even part of the damn 50!

If you wanted to win the election by picking a surprise Governor with relatively limited executive experience you should have gone with Arnold. Oh well, John, there is still 2012 – if you’re still alive. I am struggling to understand this move, especially when political analysts and some right-wing pundits are calling it “brave,” “courageous,” and “shit your pants exciting.” I think I have at least enough of a grasp on it to explain why it is a mistake. An unfortunately devastating mistake.

Last week I was engaged in a fly-by interview with a “street team” reporter and subsequently misquoted in a small-circulation newspaper in an article discussing the topic of the GOP vice president hopeful. In my mind this makes me about as qualified to talk about Sarah Palin as Bob Costas is to talk about Olympic trampolining and that didn’t stop him, so buckle up.

Alaska is a beautiful state with many breathtaking natural surroundings and in many cases holds some of the country’s last glimpses into pure wilderness, unspoilt terrain, and incredible wildlife. Alaska is even one the last homes to several endangered and threatened species. Bald Eagle ring a bell? It’s the symbol of our nation.

Did I mention that Sarah Palin wants to drop pipelines and drill into Alaska’s pristine countryside? Well she does.

Let’s pause for a moment to review what we’ve already learned about the potential Vice President. She’s a heartless bitch with zero foresight. More fun facts? Sure thing. Her political career started less than two decades ago, when she was on the city council of Wasilla, Alaska. Oh, haven’t heard of Wasilla? That’s ok, let me reiterate: Less than twenty years ago Palin had very limited weight in trivial decision-making on behalf of less than 5,000 people. How many people are in the U.S.?

In comparison, two decades ago McCain was already representing the entire state of Arizona in the U.S. Senate, commiserating with John Kerry about POW/MIA’s, calling himself a Maverick, and turning 57 years old. So we can tack inexperience on to Palin’s list of incongruence for this gratuitous nomination.

I’m not going to mention that Palin looks like Katey Sagal if she had gone the out of touch, soccer mom, I-only-fuck-when-I-plan-on-popping-out-more-useless-children, Streisand leaves me in stitches, life is swell route, because that would be unfair. I’m also not going to question her personal ethics just because her 17 year old daughter got knocked up by a hillbilly. And furthermore I refuse to suggest that Palin may be slightly if not completely mentally handicapped.

However, I will say this: It’s 2008. I don’t think good change is going to come from someone who’s husband is in the oil business, who supports abstinence education in place of health class (meanwhile her 17 year old is about to dump a “fully supported grandchild” out of her vagina), who opposes gay rights and same-sex marriage, who is in favor of destroying national parks in her home state to drill for oil, who is pro-life and just gave birth to a child with Down Syndrome because she’s an idiot and thinks it’s ok to be reproducing while pushing 45, and is both a creationist and environmentally retarded.

So what do people see in this bitch?

She’s a woman. Yes, that’s all. Sarah Palin was selected by McCain because he wanted people to think that he was a progressive thinker, a political reformer, and yes of course, a Maverick. “Why Palin? There are plenty of decent women in politics.” 1) Palin has yet to fuck anything up on a grand scale (because she has never been in a grand position) and therefore doesn’t foster many haters. 2) It was an impulse purchase, so to speak. <a href=”http://www.onevotematters.com/why-did-mccain-pick-palin/” target=”_blank”>Palin was glanced at</a>, McCain’s ancient brain had a fleeting thought of underdog glory, and he went with his gut feeling. Old people are crazy. 3) McCain is about as boring and dry as Fig Newtons. In order to get some attention he needed a face that at least a few people could stand looking at – and unfortunately in the sad state of affairs here in the good ol’ US of A Sara Palin is somehow considered attractive!

Sorry about that last comment. You may take the time now to brush your teeth if you don’t think you can finish this post with the taste of fresh vomit in your mouth. I’m assuming that point of view comes from sexually repressed, aging individuals with very little to live for. Palin isn’t hideous, but she’s certainly not hot either. All opinions aside, is talk of the “America’s hottest governor” really making national news? Give me a fucking break.

Let’s finish up with a little Q&A: Having a woman in office? Fine by me. McCain picking a woman as a running mate? Still all good. Picking a grotesquely unqualified woman with close-minded ideals and too much make-up? No, no, sir. Now you have crossed the line.

Let me start by saying that this grouping is little more than a list of some of my favorite books. It in no way purports to be comprehensive in any sense, nor are the books presented in any particular order.

Many are distinctly Modern (I’m looking at you, Dave Eggers, Nicole Krauss and Lauren Slater). Others employ a favorite story-telling technique, Magical Realism, that I personally, can’t get enough of (thanks Toni Morrison, Salman Rushdie and Gabriel Garcia Marquez). Still others are included because they’re beautifully told, utterly unique or just plain cool.

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (Dave Eggers)
Eggers’ first novel is part memoir, part fiction and all modern. This book is bigger than itself. Eggers’ wildly experimental prose, self-conscious narrative and sheer humanity make this one of my all time favorites. The story details his family’s struggle to adjust to the death of both their father and mother in the span of just 32 days- yet much of the book is sheer fantasy and Eggers takes creative liberties in calling this story a “memoir.” (See “Lying: Lauren Slater, below) I would highly recommend this book to aspiring writers.

100 Years of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
A legend in and of itself, this book traces the lineage of a family in a small, supposedly South American town “on the edge of nowhere.” Employing some stunning examples of Magical Realism, a literary technique that has one character literally being drawn into the sky never to return, Marquez’ style is resonant of a fairy-tale so that the impossible is readily, even eagerly accepted. The opening line alone speaks volumes about the way this book hooks you: “Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.”

Song of Solomon (Toni Morrison)
Morrison needs little introduction on my part, and I had a difficult time choosing just one of her novels to highlight. However, Song of Solomon, to me, is perhaps her most experimental yet down-to-earth story to date. The story is a part coming-of-age, part alamentation of the lasting effects of slavery and part an examination of love, in all its strange and often distorted manifestations. Oh, and you’ll find some gorgeous instances of magical realism thrown in there for good measure as well.

Midnight’s Children (Salman Rushdie)
Hilarious, beautifully written, and impeccably structured, Rushdie constantly teases and tests his readers. The story, which traces a young man, Saleem, and his family as he grows up during India’s independence movement has been called a metaphor for the growth, and coming of age, of the country. Rushdie is truly a unique voice and Midnight’s Children is unabashedly accessible.

The History of Love (Nicole Krauss) 2005
A beautifully understated story with distinctly modernist leanings, The History of Love braids together the lives of three characters inextricably, yet distantly tied to each other: Leo, an old man who fears he is disappearing; Alma, a young girl on a quest to find happiness for her withdrawn mother; and Litvinoff, a mysterious and brooding Chilean man from another time. The History of Love truly stuns with some of it’s passages, one in particular stays with me:

“The first language humans had was gestures. There was nothing primitive about this language that flowed from people’s hands, nothing we say now that could not be said in the endless array of movements possible with the fine bones of the fingers and wrists. The gestures were complex and subtle, involving a delicacy of motion that has since been lost completely…”

The Unbearable Lightness of Being (Milan Kundera)
Perhaps a bit pretentious, this work of modern/post-modern fiction examines the insignificance of each and every one of us through a couple and their various infidelities. Uplifting, no? While it’s fair to say that not much actually *happens* in The Unbearable Lightness of Being, so much is said. Kundera believes this “lightness” (our insignificance) to be somewhat wrenching. I myself find it a bit liberating. Whether or not you enjoy the story, Kundera’s structure and prose make this piece worth reading, and the points it raises might send you on a philosophical quest of your own.

The Ear, the Eye and the Arm (Nancy Farmer)
I’m biased because this was a childhood favorite. Set in Zimbabwe in the year 2194, this story follows three royal youths through the various underbellies, subcultures and cults they encounter after they’ve been kidnapped. Three detectives with genetic deformities (super sensitive ears; excessively perceptive eyes and the third with a sense of empathy that often causes him to break down in tears) are assigned to find the children. Yes, it’s science fiction. Yes, it’s a children’s book. Yes, it’s worth reading. Take it to the beach!

The Darling (Russell Banks)
Russell Banks is a beautiful storyteller with the unique ability to put himself in the shoes, and heart, of almost anyone. The Darling is the story of Dawn/Hannah, a middle-aged woman whose rebellious past led her into the depths of Liberia where she experienced all manner of horror and beauty. A striking story told with the fresh rawness of a new wound, passages from the Darling will haunt you for years after you put it down.

Ulysses (James Joyce)
Read this book just to say you did it. Ulysses is an epic novel, yet spans just one day in the life of its protagonist, Leopold Bloom. Some say the book is pure genius. Others denigrate it as over-hyped fluff. Personally, I’d need to read it about five more times to make a fair assessment… But one thing is certain: Joyce went places with Ulysses (which was banned in the United States for obscenity in 1933) that few writers had gone before, and few have gone since. From his topical choices to his stylistic ones, Joyce has a voice and character all his own.

Lying: A Metaphorical Memoir (Lauren Slater)
This book will change the way you think of the term “memoir.” Slater challenges the concepts of truth, its contexts and even its very existence at the core of the human experience. Beautifully written and constructed with a modern twist, Lying has been called “metaphorical memoir,” (though she begs throughout to be understood as non-fiction.) This book continues to frustrate and enchant me, yet Slater’s beautiful prose and (here it is again) modernist tendencies keep me coming back for second, third and fourth readings.

Honorable Mention:
The Angel on the Roof (a collection of short stories by Russell Banks), How We are Hungry (a collection of short stories by Dave Eggers), What is the What (a creative non-fiction account of the life of one of Sudan’s Lost Boys, as told to and expanded upon by none other than Dave Eggers)

Note: If my liberal use of terms like “modernism” and “magical realism” annoyed or offended you, please see my upcoming post detailing these literary techniques and my interpretation of them. Until then, click the links, fool! Modernism - Magical Realism

This morning my mother copied to me via IM an email or a page she had found. Within contains the most complete list of paranoias, hoaxes, wishful thoughts, and general falderall ever generated via email chain letters. It is a tremendously entertaining read and I absolutely have to share with you all. Oh, and if you don’t digg, del.icio.us and put this on your facebook then bad luck and extreme misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity. Bill Gates told me so. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

This is pretty cute and I thought you’d get a few healthy chuckles from it. :) I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year. Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel. I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. I can’t enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces. I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot) Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years. I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck! I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are se nding me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face…disfiguring me for life. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a num ber for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda & Singapore and Uzbekistan I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe. Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt. And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies! If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your b ack, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician… Have a wonderful day… Oh, by the way….. A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.-

Case in point: People getting all up in arms about an Absolut print ad campaign depicting a large chunk of the southwest United States as being part of Mexico “In an Absolut World”.

Give me a break, people. What are you offended by, exactly? History? The fact of the matter is, the land depicted in the ad’s map did belong to Mexico at one point. Is the serious offense in suggesting that the United States’ fulfillment of Manifest Destiny is somehow fallible? Heaven forbid anyone challenge the conquest of the central portion of North America.

I understand people having immigration issues, to a point. Yet to get bent out of shape over a vodka company implying that it might be ideal if the borders had never changed? Honestly. Am I the only one who sees it that way? That it’s not suggesting Mexico “retake” that area, it’s not suggesting that Mexicans should “overrun” the southwest, or that illegal immigration is a good idea.

It was an ad, run in Mexico, for booze, that used a historical reference to highlight Mexico’s once grand territory in order to associate a feeling of pride in one’s country with their product. Ultimately, it’s highly unlikely that their goal was to stir up a world of shit for themselves. It was to sell vodka to more Mexicans. Instead what they’ve got is a smaller marketing department and threats of boycott.

I find the the outrage dredged up by the idea of a company wanting to push more product pretty offensive. The more anger is expressed over that, and the more lines are drawn between immigration issues and this ad, the more nasty arguments and anti-Mexican sentiment are going to rise. I understand the concept of maintaining solid borders, of national programs being available only to legitimate citizens (to an extent). What I don’t understand and absolutely don’t like is people disparaging an entire country full of people by taking a tongue-in-cheek advertisement by a company who is based out of an entirely different country (Sweden, according to the giant PDF with tiny print they put out) and blowing the intended meaning way out of proportion. It shows a lack of rationality and serves as another vocal demonstration of how reactionary, intolerant, and anti-intellectual Americans have managed to portray themselves as.

Tonight, I’m gonna buy a vodka tonic… with Absolut in it. What are you going to do?

I just want to apologize for any visitors who have actually gone to infinitedesu.com. While I feel as though I did provide fair warning when I originally linked it, I was looking at WPStats and couldn’t help but notice that people have actually clicked on that.

What you will find, upon visiting infinitedesu.com is the following: …nothing.
Apparently, I let the hosting or the domain or something expire. Could have sworn that auto-renewed. Well kids, looks like it’s technically up for grabs. If you buy it because you saw the name here, let me know so I can congratulate you on your refined tastes.

But if domain sniping isn’t your cup of tea, what you can do is visit RKNet’s new affiliate, TorsoPants. I came across their site earlier today and I was so impressed I decided that I had to be their friend. You can be their friend too, just tell them I sent you, ok?

There’s so much going for them: their site works in Opera without fuss, they’ve got all kinds of great design on the site, there are more hidden fun things than at a hidden fun thing convention, and I guess they’ve got good clothing, or something. I definitely spent a while at the site today, really just exploring all the things to see and do, and trying to decide whether or not I can afford to buy a pair of torsopants (which for those keeping score at home, is like a “shirt” only superior in every way) before I spend the money to renew Infinite Desu.

If I get the cash-money necessary to resurrect infinitedesu.com myself (hint), then I hope to achieve a similar standard of site awesomeness that I saw demonstrated by the proprietors of TorsoPants, instead of the old infinitedesu.com, which just had an annoying animated gif for a background, and the word “desu” over and over and over again.

I realize that some of my visitors may be coming here because they have no idea what the deal is with “desu”. I can appreciate being in the dark like that, and would like to take a minute (just sit right there) to explain a little more about what desu is and why I felt compelled to even buy infinitedesu.com in the first place.

Desu

Verb. Japanese form of the verb “to be”. Example: Watashi wa Amerika-jin desu. I am an American.

(aux) (pol) polite copula in Japanese; (P) [via Jeffrey's Japanese Dictionary]

Exclamatory. Taking a cue from a character named Suiseiseki featured in the 2004 anime, Rozen Maiden, people on the internet have come to use desu in excess. This is most often found in the form of the “desu flood” where by a post or entire thread is comprised of ONLY the word desu, repeated over and over again. It is the determination of Encyclopedia Dramatica’s shadowy editors that Desu is a classic meme. No other sources seemed to refute this.

And now…
Needs more desu!