RKNet Blog... Thing

Well, I’m just back from the first ever NH Media Makers get together. What a terrific idea, and what a great turn out. I honestly didn’t know what to expect, both in people or content, despite the post at the actual NH Media Makers site detailing who would be there and what to expect!

We had all types of people, with different disciplines, but the major unifying factor was our passion for all things internet. Which is extremely refreshing as a majority of people I’ve met here in New Hampshire have not been the slightest bit interested in the internet or tech in general. It was like a high school AV meeting with a million times more class.

After adamantly sucking down as much coffee as possible, I tuned in to each attendee’s introduction and background. Everybody had a great story to tell and a variety of really terrific projects they were involved in too. I don’t think a single person there had just one thing they were working on, interested in, or knew about. There was no shortage of great ideas, and everybody seemed tremendously passionate about their field of interest.

We had photographers, videographers, writers, entrepreneurs, search engine marketers, programmers, culture geeks, and often times most people were several of those things if not all of them! Had I been taking notes I’d have a lot more details about each person. Everybody I met was just terrific. There was a definite buzz in the air and I could tell a lot of really valuable connections were made. Separately we’ve got a ton of super ideas and talents, together we could really turn this area into a hub of internet and cultural activity.

Couple of points I want to shout out to any local readers:

• One of the attendees is a film maker out in Manchester who will be looking for extras interested in dying. :)
• Another wants to get interest up in late night monster movie showings in the area, preferably big screen. Who knows about theater in the area?
• We’ve got film folks who might want extras, guest writers, feedback, or musical contributions/suggestions.
• There are authors chomping at the bit for publishing tips or inspiration in general.
• There’s me, looking for blog authors and people interested in helping my wacky friends commit some of their film ideas to the web.
• There’s a niche marketer looking for ideas and feedback on how to incorporate things like video and blogs into his repertoire to strengthen his position as the top in his field(s).

And so much more. I’m hoping others took better notes. There will be a mailing list, and notes and attendee URLs will be posted over at the NH Media Makers site, so stay tuned. We’ll also have some pictures and video courtesy of a few folks who were there. (Phil, John, and Roger if I remember correctly.) There will be more of these in the future, so if you missed the first one, fret not, you will have a chance to join in the fun!

One look at our vending machines will tell you that office-dwelling drones like Your Humble Narrator are always seeking out exotic drinkable liquids. Especially if said liquids are reputed to be imbued with energizing or stupefying properties. Maybe it’s the condition of our imprisonment, which in this office typically involves non-ergonomic, castoff cubicles, brutally punishing chairs, and cthonic food from the grim eateries which dot the surrounding wasteland (these bleak offerings might make Franz Kafka shrug resignedly and reach for a fork, but personally they make me bemoan the lack of a 24-hour Korean restaurant in the immediate vicinity). Maybe it’s the psychological/economic bondage of a modern business environment, wherein failure is not an option and the creature comforts are best described as “hit-or-miss”. Maybe it’s the high frustration level, combined with lack of sleep (due to work-related worries) which can make us rage like fearsome goetic demons forced to watch Legally Blonde 2.

In any case, even if one just examines the elaborate cultural rituals associated with (for instance) shotgunning sugar-free Red Bull (I’ll try to post about this in the future) or popping down to the local sports bar for a bottom-shelf Long Island iced tea (referred to by us cognoscenti as an “ether and sour mix” because of its unusual psychotogenic properties which cannot be individually ascribed to any of its constituent boozes)… it’s clear that there’s some kind of collective drinks-based coping behavior which spans the nerd-steppenwolf demographic and, unpredictably, inches insidiously into the repertoire of fairly respectable Liberal Arts majors. My personal theory is that these behaviors start out as pathological compulsions, until they are copied by at least one other person, whereby they attain official meme-hood, which in turn makes the progenitor feel justified, so he/she repeats the action, and then the cycle self-perpetuates until the meme gets old, the participants die/get fired, or until the required ingredients become exhausted.

Take for example, the practice of dropping a teabag into a hot cup of coffee.

This loathsome act is a true last-ditch effort. The participants are so jaded in their exhaustion, this is the final frontier, the nadir, the Last Judgment. Whether our nights are spent boozing it up or writing code until the wee hours, the effect is astonishingly similar. Once-human organisms are now reduced to soulless husks, caricatures of our former selves. In this degraded condition, we crave stimulus, which, at this advanced stage, can only be brought about by a handful of questionable exercise stimulants, washed down with an overpriced canister of phenylalanine-rich chemical ooze.

Such was our Monday mindset when, today, my staunch acolyte and I devised a new and gruesome sacrament. By steeping a teabag in a cup of infernally steaming coffee, our desire was to harness the clarity and energy of the strong black tea, tempered with the anxiety and panic of the coffee. The result was a murky liquid, which looked a lot like that black stuff which engulfed James Brolin toward the end of The Amityville Horror. Perhaps most singular was the aftertaste, a bitter, lingering tang of tannins. It is testament to my own slow, sad deterioration that I found the mixture to be not wholly unpleasant. Perhaps most disturbing is the understanding that I might voluntarily drink this again.

Below is a transcript of our findings:
(02:13:57 PM) me: dude this actually isn’t as awful as I thought it would be
(02:14:16 PM) XXXXX: its almost good
(02:14:25 PM) me: for real
(02:14:32 PM) me: I already feel more jacked up
(02:15:08 PM) XXXXX: then we should call it jack bauer’s tea bag
(02:15:28 PM) me: hahahahahah
(02:15:58 PM) me: I was going to suggest we could call it “Nightside of Eden” - I like yours better
(02:16:27 PM) XXXXX: well yours is for sure more poetic
(02:17:34 PM) me: “chai-flavored roundhouse kick to the taint”
(02:18:07 PM) XXXXX: thats it!
(02:18:16 PM) XXXXX: thats the taste in my mouth exactly!
(02:18:32 PM) me: “the sweat from Charles Bronson’s brow”
(02:18:57 PM) me: “Paul Schaeffer’s smarm in a cup”
(02:18:57 PM) XXXXX: strained through kurt russels pubes
(02:19:02 PM) me: hahahah

In recent years there has become almost a tradition of graphic novels and comics being converted into amazing movies. Spiderman, Road to Perdition, Sin City, 30 Days of Night, and of course Batman.

A while back I saw a film called Faust: Love of the Damned. I could go on and on about my impression of the film. Indeed, I found myself lying awake, babbling in a stunned fashion over what I’d encountered. Truth be told I wish I remembered half my commentary. The movie is realy a comedy goldmine for those who enjoy a MST3K the Home Game viewing experience. For those who feel as though they are brave enough to bear witness to the whole thing, I feel obligated to give you a taste of what you’re prepared for.

The Good:

• This film makes no qualms about what it is and compensates fairly adequately by including several non-disturbing shots that feature (very nice) breasts.
• It features cops being sliced, beheaded, dismembered, and otherwise mutilated.*
• This film offers just about every kind of death you can think of: poisoning, fire, being eaten by a monster, head blown off, head cut off, guts spilled, buried alive, and death by curse.
• It’s got that guy from the Wishmaster movies. (and I guess he’s been in Lost, too.)
• Will heavily add to your “I Watch Bad Movies” cred.
• The male protagonist has an entertaining Renfield vibe at the beginning of the film.

The Bad:

• This film makes no qualms about what it is and includes several disturbing shots that include breasts, ruining the bonus points that breast shots ordinarily give to a film.
• It features cops being sliced, beheaded, dismembered, and otherwise mutilated.*
• Poorly researched psychology references riddle the film like cancer through a lab rat.
• Even more poorly researched occult references. I’m no expert but man some of this stuff would make a teenage wicca fanatic shake their head shame of the inaccuracy.
• The male protagonist turns into some kind of cheese-tastic Spawn/The Mask/Wolverine mashup.
• Female protagonist gets brainwashed into a nympho by being beaten, electrocuted, and forced to confront her past, but the actress clearly doesn’t ever get nude. (This seems like a cop-out compared to the fearlessness of her castmates.)

The OH MY GOD MY MIND IS BEING VIOLATED! (OMGMMIBV!):

• This film makes no qualms about what it is and includes a scene with disturbing special-effect breasts.
• Suggested rape of an eleven year old girl by a guy with no face.

*I realize that people are divided on the treatment of police, real or fictional, so I am willing to count this aspect both good and bad as it relates to one’s personal perspective on the matter. I should like to clarify that for the purpose of this story it does appear that all the police are apparently a part of some evil conspiracy.

Thanks to the hard work of io9’s Annalee Newitz, I’m able to point you in the direction of one of the more OMGMMIBV! clips. It’s NSFW, and it’s epic as hell.