Think For Myself? Don’t Mind if I Do!

It’s been a very Twitter-heavy weekend, as previous posts will demonstrate. I had a brief spat with some woman named Amanda Chapel because I had issues with the idea of arguing against the merits of internet culture on the internet. Particularly on such a limited platform such as Twitter. I really need to think and do some research before I discuss that whole situation at length. And I do want to discuss that at length. However, in the interest of being fair I intend to read more of Strumpette and see if I can get a proper bead on the philosophy at work here. At that time, I’ll share the archive of the Twitter conversation, and get into depth on what the internet means to me and what I feel it means to our culture as a whole. More on that later though.

One of the other Twitter discoveries I made this weekend was FlypeClub. I’d been followed (and followed them in return) a little while back, but it seemed to only produce an increased percentage of self-promotional fluff scrolling through my gTalk twitter window. This weekend however I got at least a minor peek behind the curtain and figured out that some other followers I’d picked up were authors and conspirators of this mysterious FlypeClub. For the record, I still have no idea what the deal is with it, but now I’m intrigued instead of annoyed by their updates.

A little basic reading, a little paying attention showed me who all is working on the FlypeClub project. (And I KNOW I’m breaking the first and only rule here, but I can’t help it. There is a reason why, you’ll see.) Not so mysterious after all on one hand, but more mysterious on the other. Who exactly are these guys? What was the draw to make something like this? Why the seemingly aggressive promotion when it appears they don’t really have anything to sell? They do claim to offer Alligator & Python swallowing courses for $20,000 a pop, but that doesn’t strike me as a business plan that would best be supported by intense social outreach. Yet there is something to this band of cheeky irreverents that has captured my attention, and gotten me to really thinking.

I have a love for the obscure, and for the obfuscated, for the inscrutable. Although I confess that this love does not extend to businesses who cannot be buggered to explain who they are and what their services entail. That is the exact opposite of good service and should be frowned upon. This is what got me to thinking when FlypeClub came on my radar. Who the hell are these guys? Were they a business or a set of individuals? What are the rules for marketing in the “social” world if they are a business?

Generally speaking, it is up to me to decide what a thing is, what it is worth, whether or not it is valuable or true. That was the challenge posed to me, more or less, by a mysterious Flyper - who I won’t name unless it’s approved - in regards to FlypeClub. That it is up to ME to decide what it is. I liked that. I appreciated greatly the direct outreach, and I appreciated more the admission that it is in fact up to me (and you, and you, and everybody who won’t read this) to decide “what is FlypeClub”.

Seems to me that this has always been the guiding principle of business, and of life. Experts, professionals, self-appointed social leaders can all tell me exactly what they want me to know. Media and corporations have the things which they feel will be liked by the largest amount of people. The great unwashed mobs of people I see on a day to day basis, and the scores of people who write opinions on the internet also provide information on what there is to like about this, that, and the other thing. That is all fine and dandy. I tend to prefer the opinion of someone experienced with a subject or a product to tell me about that subject or a product, and I always attempt to get opinions from other, ostensibly unbaised sources. Yet the thing that so many people do not seem to grasp is that ultimately it is absolutely, one hundred percent my decision (and yours, and yours, and everybody not reading this) as to what is hip, what is worth buying, and what is true.

Really, it’s always been that way. Influence only goes so far. The task of a business, an organization, a person who wishes attention from many is to do this: provide the public with something they cannot get from anyone else. Or, if they can get the product/service/opinion from someone else, give them very good reason to embrace yours over someone else’s.

This is one of the reasons I signed on to be an affiliate of TorsoPants. Yes, they (technically) sell tshirts. Yes, there are dozens of “witty” tshirt companies abroad, particularly on the internet. But I saw these guys and immediately liked everything about their site and what they had to offer. (For the record I have not yet bought my very own pair of TorsoPants, but I am also pretty broke.) It’s something that everyone needs (clothing) and it’s got a shine to it that no one else really has.

Another fine example of providing something unique is Scarlet Imprint. I have purchased two books from them so far, The Red Goddess, and Howlings. They provide something that no one else does, and they do it well. Their books are well written, and well made (I was expecting much less from such a small press), and they are rare. Not only are they rare (very limited print runs), but they make it very clear that they take their work very seriously, and they are willing to communicate directly with those who would buy from them.

I am a decision making machine, and I am primed by the words and actions of others, but I don’t fire until my internal system of checks and balances has had its say. What kind of decision making machine are you?

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Fun With Emails: Spain ASS- or in spanish- ASSpan’a

Editor’s Note: This is a direct copy of a stunning email sent by one of my brilliantly hilarious co-workers recently. Some items have been redacted/changed/edited to protect various information out of respect for their overall privacy.

Hey Hey Hey!….

Hey Hey Hey

It’s that time again:

LL Cool J

no, not for that!…..

Tim Curry

yea, thats what im talkin about, more micheivous,

BUT A LITTLE LESS FUCKING SCARY!!!!

some kids might see this.

Celine Dion

NO! I’m Serious!

th- , that’s, b-, better?

ok, well, anyway, it’s page writing time. a little fun with 400-5. if any kids are seeing this now, dont try this at home. only for the seriously jaded.

just to make sure you’re qualified,

Sly Stallone

there. if anyone is still reading after that, youre obviously jaded enough. you may continue.

Your mission, should you choose to use your god given talent, is to write about,

this place.

where is that you ask? Spain! obviously!

Looks like youre gonna need a bit of brushing up before you get going here,

uhm, yea.. if you think that will be helpful.

but I was kind of thinking….

yea, more like that!

It might help our readers too, if you want to talk about what you learn. So in case they go to Spain, they dont look like a victim….

Especially in the lower regions….

I kind of meant, lower regions, of Spain…

yea! You know, Lower, Regions of Spain, like, Costa Blanca, Benidorm, Alicante, that sort of thing. You know, where you can find,

Stuff..

And do all sorts of cool stuff, like,

cut yourself…

Or not!

reading a book

I mean, some people prefer just reading; theres something for everyone in Southern Coastal Spain.

Just take a look at this site:

[redacted] - You can write a whole page for this site! Check out what this guy has! Get inside his head…

John Malkovitch

What does he think on average?

I’m on fire!

How does he want others to see him?

disgustingly beefy

or…

draaaag

How does he see his site?

pink car

How does he want viewers to see his site?

polka party disco all night

Find out his fears, what he eats, where he sleeps and where he shits…..

toilet child

What are his motives?

our president’s motivation

How do people get away with this where children can see?

gross shoop

What are people looking for when they move to Spain?

Maybe a rental so they can explore the country before they move there?

Or do they just want what everyone else wants?

slim stupid?

You’re the wheel(wo)man here, Its kind of up to you and your judgement. Im counting on you. And anyone else who gets this message. If you want to, and youve made it this far, maybe submit an article, and we’ll have a contest for which one I send. (j/k Amy, there is only you)

On his homepage, hes putting “…rise in tourism, and hotels and rentals[sic] , which may be a good way for you to explore the country before you move here”.

So, hope that helps…that is, if you need some idea of an angle before you go in….

dog swab incident

You can write about this:

coastal spain

or this:

man eats zebra

Maye even both. Maybe one of those lower coastal Spain regions like the Costas, “have something for everyone, whether you’re into beaches, or eating zebra carcass.” type deals.

Either way,
I believe in you.

you’re a crack agent.

smokin crack

Again, not quite what I meant, but thats ok. Youve never let me down before.

Except that time,

cliffhanger movie cover

But hey, I’m over it. That was years ago. Now I just want you to take your creative style, and show me a page like no one’s ever seen before….

lol band names

yea.

striped shirt green hair

s’what Im talkin about….

a clockwork emo

totally edgy and unique.

emo hitler motivational poster

Completely fresh, and without label…

anatomy of an emo

not given to societal norms.

cookie cutter, lol, get it, cutter?

way out in edge city

generic anime emo face

Like, completely defiant, cuz no one understands.

shot with a bad case of internets disease

And no one ever will.

bad eyemakeup is basically a sin

Got it?

what a precious little emo kitten!

k thx bai!

<3

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Cynical Gamer Nerds are Wonderful People

Last night the most remarkable series of things happened, resulting in a delightful print out just for you!
In #ormgas (the IRC channel for the OCR internet radio broadcast), Leissi pasted the following -

Notice: This Department requires no physical fitness program: everyone gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, running down the boss, knifing friends in the back, dodging responsibility, and pushing their luck.

Struck with inspiration, I decided to make a poster from this material. I also decided that the various cautionary signs from the game Portal, with their wet-floor-sign-guy-in-major-peril quality, were the absolute best to give some graphical window dressing to this wry jab at working life. (I realize the quote is rather old, but I’d forgotten all about it until Leissi was kind enough to remind me of it.)

After several fruitless searches (shocking with the amount of slavering Portal fanatics out there) in the ever-convenient Google Image Search, I finally dug up a panel of Portal’s caution signs. It wasn’t very large so I tried to resize it cleverly, but the end result was still fuzzy. Seeing as this was meant to be a five minute haha on my part, I wasn’t terribly concerned.

I did however take the time to change the saying slightly to make it more apropos to my own current working life. Pleased with myself, I saved a copy as a jpg and slapped it up in #ormgas, and in #ectomo.

I left shortly thereafter, and thought nothing of it, until I came in this morning and checked my gmail. What appeared before my eyes, but a white knight from the depths of #ectomo, Maicro, come to clean up the fuzzy Portal images and raise this snarky little geek joke to the next level of professional subversiveness.

Without further ado, a giant jpg for you to print and share with all the people who fill you with levels of contempt that are at best unhealthy and at worst result in much head explodey.

NURP

One million thousand thanks to Leissi and Maicro for their invaluable contributions in the field of snarky, passive-aggressive sign leaving technology. If you have opportunity, comment with links to photos of this particular sheet in action.

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Mo’ Betta Blogging: Miraculous Twitter Find

Let it never be said that Twitter is a useless web app. Thanks to Twitter friend doshdosh, I’ve discovered an article which may assist me in refining my goals for this website, such as they are, and increase readership and hopefully feedback as well.

The article on problogger.net is titled From 0 to 2000+ Subscribers in 120 Days. The guest author, Tina Su, writes a blog called Think Simple Now and her passion is helping people improve their lives. The article details the steps she took to make her website successful, and they are all very positive, realistic and easy to remember.

With the assistance of this well written guide, I would like to take this blog, this site, this project and really turn it into something worth visiting, bookmarking, and subscribing to within the next 120 days. I have touched upon this goal before a few months ago but never really followed up. It’s one of the challenges with A) not having concrete goals and B) maintaining a more than full time job.

Hopefully with the help of some of my other authors, and friends who desire to do creative things and use the web for distribution, this site can become a bustling hub of super fun times for all who pass by! Won’t you tag along? It will be quite the wild ride.

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Blue Monday?

So I was having a pretty good day today. Surprisingly good in fact, all things considered. When WHEB had to go and ruin it for me. Again.

This time, it wasn’t the overabundance of sloppy-joe instigating Herpes-Crisps (Godsmack), nor was it a double shot of Nickleback. No, this was something even more asinine. Today, the dj’s announced that, according to world-renowned psychologist Cliff Arnall, Monday, January 21, 2008 is “the most gloomiest day” of the year. Depressing nature of the retarded phrasing aside; none of these conclusions are all too revelatory, and… thanks for reminding me, Asshat.

Here’s what Arnall, an expert in the study of depression concluded, based on some mathematical formula that we’re not privy to.

This time of year produces six [how about 200] factors which lead to feelings of gloom and doom, and all of them converge today [as the cosmos align and Pluto weeps?] to “leave us at our most miserable.” The factors are as follows.

  • Christmas Debt (Ok, Sure)
  • A Feeling of Monotony after Christmas Cheer has Faded (Christmas Cheer?)
  • Broken New Years Resolutions (I hope you knew better than to make any)
  • Low Levels of Motivation (Um… This is a Temporary Thing?)
  • A Desperate Feeling That You Need to Act to Improve Your Life (Always)

He goes on to offer a couple of insights as to how to combat “Blue Monday.”
1. Stop Whining. It is boring and you are boring. (I feel better already!)
2. Focus on the good things you do have in your life. If one of your limbs does not work, focus on the three that do. (Haha, Cripple.)

Enjoy the rest of your shitty day. But, chin up. Tomorrow the debt/motivation/goal-oriented fairy is due to swoop in and save the day.

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No Other Explanation Necessary 1: Door Sign

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Code of the Dress: Revenge Against High Morale

Into every life, a little ridiculous, standardized bureaucracy must fall. In the case of mine, I have encountered the insurmountable juggernaut that is “Dress Code”. This has come up about five or six times in my time here, but never really stuck before. Thank goodness. Working for an Internet company who doesn’t really handle walk-in business (with rare exception), I’m stunned and frustrated by this repeated insistence upon doing things the “meatspace” way. I’ve never been the best at maintaining a budget, a laundry schedule, or a steady weight. These powers combine to create a condition by which I rarely, if ever, have anything that will pass for “Business Appropriate”, whatever that means. As a result I typically make-do with jeans and some kind of shirt that doesn’t look too grubby or trashy. So far so good I wager.

Yet I digress. Dress Code Part 2: Electric Boogaloo, has descended upon our merry band of rascals to lay some foxes in otherwise rather content hen houses. A condensed beam of sunlight seeking out worker ants whose exoskeleton is improperly decorated by worker ant standards as set out in Tomes of Olde. Presumably the goal is something of a mimicry of those who came before us. Even Jack Parsons wore a suit to work, and he was some kind of crazy-ass pagan/rocket scientist who did a lot of field work (in both areas of his life).

So let’s get down to the nitty gritty. The actual body of this extremely local legislation.

“Please use Dress Code Common Sense Law; If you aren’t sure, then don’t wear it!”
What if you’re a self-conscious person, or a fashion hound, or it’s early and you’re hung over and easily confused? Any of those three means that the odds are pretty good you aren’t sure about what you’re wearing for the day. What if you can’t decide what shirt to wear? Does that mean go without one? Technically that would follow that law to the letter. It’s a logistics nightmare. There’s also the believe that “common” sense is by no means common at all, but that’s another discussion altogether.

There’s a statement against wrinkles too. Wrinkles? Wear clothes without wrinkles? Whoever first decided that that was important needs to go right to hell. The individual who first decided that wrinkles were a detriment to one’s business ability doesn’t live in any reality I’ve ever been privy to where people wear clothes and they get wrinkled.

Casual Friday’s entry isn’t even complete in this official document. It’s both curious and a little frightening. As if to suggest the robot overlords terminated the author prior to their completion of the thought.

With the idea appearance directly affecting one’s worthiness as a business associate, or affecting the opinion of visitors so negatively as to be disgusted, I have come to the conclusion that the comedians are right: Business office atmospheres should be soul-crushing places, brimful of quiet desperation.
All employees should wear gray from fear of being offensive, except for the one guy whose wife makes him wear the pink shirt because Marie Claire Magazine told her that it would help him boost his confidence.
Everyone will spend all day whispering about him in lieu of anything worthwhile going on in their miserable lives, and smile really nicely when he shows up at the coffee pot to get his 80th cup of the morning.
In truth, this is just another way of burying his frustration at his utterly failed marriage, and dead-end job.
By the end of the week, he will be found hanging from his belt in the men’s room. No one will ever use the big stall ever again out of discomfort rather than respect and all silently curse their own fates, but express their misery just a little more openly.
But hey, at least they look business appropriate.

Why is this machination - this plot to undermine people’s abilities by overwhelming them with trivial appearance issues - desirable? I’m at an utter loss. Explain please!

“The belief that “order is true” and disorder is false or somehow wrong, is the Aneristic Illusion. To say the same of disorder, is the ERISTIC ILLUSION.”

~ Principia Discordia

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Hey you aren’t good enough! Songs to barf by.

I really hope this is blown out of proportion, no pun intended, because otherwise it’s rather creepy.

Most especially the picture. That woman has less body fat on her now in total than I did at the ripe old age of 10, I’d wager. What’s she got to lose? Why take the desire to be in better overall shape in a direction like “I want to be skinny” when she clearly already is. That implies to me that she sees herself as somehow not good enough, and that seems really disheartening.

I’m all for people finding their own happiness. I’ll even let the pro-ana people be, but I won’t lie that I find it disgusting.

I suppose the underlying message here is to help people actually be healthier, which typically does involve loss of body fat, but this approach is seriously fubar.

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Stream of Tuesday: Madness at the Desk Edition

I gotta dollar store eagle on my shoutcast box
he’s got stubby feet and a busted tail
His flag looks just like cake

Lost my cool but found it again,
it wasn’t misplaced so much as set aside for the sake of proper ventilation
what’s a good cure for shoulder pains?

Today was just seriously unreal.
Much more of this and I don’t know what I’ll do.

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Screw You Comcast

Did it ever occur to you that I might work from home?


I’m cancelling the minute I find a viable alternative. In the meantime? I’ll be checking this out.

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