RKNet Blog... Thing

The truth hurts

So after watching the press conference this morning and getting super mega ultra excited, I spent a good couple of hours mashing F5 in anticipation of pre-order.

The press conference was interesting but not mind-blowing. It was, however, nice to get a better feel for the features and see some nice, shiny demo videos. Update: Engadget Mobile has posts galore about today’s unveiling. I won’t get into the few parts I gleaned from the demo.

This eventually lead me to log in, which had me so pumped I thought I would explode. Then… over an hour of server errors.

Eventually T-Mobile disabled phone upgrades altogether - right around 1pm, if I remember correctly - probably to figure out how the hell to handle that much traffic. If I were them, I’d see if they could borrow a server farm from Larry and Sergey until the pre-order is all over.

T-Mobile, taking a page from Pandemic's President Madagasgar, SHUT. DOWN. EVERYTHING. Ok, just the upgrade section, but still.

I will be poking at their servers for the rest of the day. While I realize this adds to their server load, I will not be the only person doing this, and with this kind of outage, coupled with the knowledge that there are supposedly 400,000 up for pre-order, it’s either be aggressive or get left scrambling on October 22nd.
Success must be mine! Wish me luck. :D

I DID IT!

FUCK YEAH

After a day of confusion and mild frustration, as of approximately 3:26pm EST, I am now one of the approximately 400,000 to secure a T-Mobile HTC G1 with Android and all that good stuff!

Because I could not stop for success, success kindly stopped for me. I had taken a break from my rabid F5-ing and decided to socialize with my co-workers, then I decided it was a good time to hit refresh on my T-mobile account page. LO! The upgrade phone link was back! I hit the promo image on the site and it actually worked! Not only did it work, but the site loaded as quickly as you please. I completed my order in nothing flat.

The phone cost, with the “upgrade fee” comes in at $197.99. Just under the originally predicted $199.

The G1 should be in my hot little hands on or about October 22nd. There will be an unboxing and setup post when I get it. Assuming I don’t get so excited that I just tear the whole package apart like a tazmanian devil.

For anyone curious, here’s the official T-Mobile overview page for the phone.

pardon my sloppy line up

Now here is a bit I haven’t done in quite some time! The Words To Know series had all but died. Tonight I feel like shaking the dust off, brushing away the cobwebs, and putting WTK to work once more. I’ve decided to go easy on the old girl, by featuring two terms, and peppering the descriptions with other delightful terms to incorporate into your vernacular. On we go!

Our first featured term is: Adroit - This is a handy way to turn a shocked and braindead exclamation of “Whoa! Skills!” into a pithy bon mot. For example, when watching Sonny Chiba in the film The Street Fighter, one might be able to say something like “That was the most adroit instance of someone’s testicles being pulled off I think I’ve ever witnessed!” Not-work-safe clip below for those who may not have had the good fortune to see the whole film. (Which, by the way, I strongly recomend to anyone.)

Our second word for the day is: Obstreperous. Obstreperous is a fantastic word to use to describe someone’s putrescent offspring who have decided that it would be a fantastic time to start various types of boisterous carrying on (running, yelling, messing with others’ belongings, etc.) when you have just been sealed onto a several-hour flight. It certainly passes over in polite conversation a lot more readily than simply turning to your seat mate to comment that the plane’s younger passengers are in fact “little fucking assholes” who should, in fact, have a rigorous application of chloroform applied to them posthaste. To make such a comment could be considered maladroit - the opposite of our first featured word - due to its utter lack of tact. The child pictured below, though adorable, may be one of these children whom the label of “obstreperous” applies.

Or perhaps these three might be more prone to various hijinks.

Hope you enjoyed this edition of WTK as much as I did! (If you did, won’t you show some comment love?)

Looks can be very tricksome indeed. Take this juicy hentai clip below. At least, that’s what it looks like, right? I assure you, it’s actually quite innocuous, and rather laughable. (And I also promise it’s not a rickroll. You have my word.)

There are a lot of clips like this on youtube, and a few that are genuinely somewhat perverted. There are also a lot of annoying edits with flashing and sped up music and general obnoxiousness. Poke around for a little while some time (when you aren’t at work, just to be safe). Some of these “hentai” clips might actually be funny enough to watch.

mathiasx Ernest Hemingway does not cash in on internet memes. He creates them. You ever hear of mudkipz? Yeah, that was him.

Via #ectomo on EFNet. (Come say hi!) ~Ectomo

• @bloggersblog hear hear, viva la literature! #
• Gah. I wake up to an internet fight over twitter. that’s like waking up & walking into a bar argument #
• pro baseball? overpaid children. for most people, the local bar owner is more personally important. #
• @chrisgarrett huh. we were just talking about ALICE yesterday. I heard she was a bitch. looks like it fits your theory #
• @chrisgarrett it goes back to at least the 19th http://tinyurl.com/3b2s96 #
• When I read about the internet being an instrument for social destruction I think "good, there’s a lot of cleaning up to do" #
• @chrisgarrett omg, no wonder you’re so up in arms, these strumpette people can kiss my ass. paranoids. #
• Riddle me this: how can you espouse your negative opinions about the internet on the internet, and expect any respect? #
• I’m not so sure that a luddite, pro-expert, pro-professional should be arguing on twitter. it screams hypocrite #
• @chrisgarrett you have to be published on dead trees or harass someone who’s been on tv to be pro, duh #

Editor’s note: man I was a twitter whore today. cut for length.
Read the rest of this entry »

April Fools’ Day, one of the most loathsome and wasteful days the calendar year has to offer, has come and gone. Most everyone seems to have survived, thankfully.

DeviantArt, known for being a haven of artists producing works ranging from hackle-raising (no pun intended) furry fan art to really good photography, decided to celebrate this traditional day of asshattery by pranking all of its users. The accomplished this feat, not by Rickrolling everybody and their brother, but by taking care of exposing the masses to another already-mostly-expired internet meme.

For the duration of April first, all DeviantArt user pics were changed to a looping animated gif of a Mudkip, which displayed the phrase “so I heard you like mudkips??”. (Well, more or less anyway.)

A lot of people seemed to be under the impression that DeviantArt had been “hacked” by 4chan. A lot of other people didn’t seem to mind at all. Indeed some even seemed to embrace the siren song of the anime rendition of an axolotl forever om nom nom nom-ing in their profiles and various visited pages.

It was of course only a joke and DeviantArt returned everyone’s avatars to normal when it was April 2nd. April Fools’ Day was pretty uneventful for yours truly, I think I would have liked to have had a little omigod hax! rather than an entire day of waiting for someone to do something awful to me. Anybody out there get meme bashed or otherwise tricked this past April 1st?

Editor’s Note: This is a direct copy of a stunning email sent by one of my brilliantly hilarious co-workers recently. Some items have been redacted/changed/edited to protect various information out of respect for their overall privacy.

Hey Hey Hey!….

It’s that time again:

no, not for that!…..

yea, thats what im talkin about, more micheivous,

BUT A LITTLE LESS FUCKING SCARY!!!!

some kids might see this.

NO! I’m Serious!

th- , that’s, b-, better?

ok, well, anyway, it’s page writing time. a little fun with 400-5. if any kids are seeing this now, dont try this at home. only for the seriously jaded.

just to make sure you’re qualified,

there. if anyone is still reading after that, youre obviously jaded enough. you may continue.

Your mission, should you choose to use your god given talent, is to write about,

this place.

where is that you ask? Spain! obviously!

Looks like youre gonna need a bit of brushing up before you get going here,

uhm, yea.. if you think that will be helpful.

but I was kind of thinking….

yea, more like that!

It might help our readers too, if you want to talk about what you learn. So in case they go to Spain, they dont look like a victim….

Especially in the lower regions….

I kind of meant, lower regions, of Spain…

yea! You know, Lower, Regions of Spain, like, Costa Blanca, Benidorm, Alicante, that sort of thing. You know, where you can find,

Stuff..

And do all sorts of cool stuff, like,

cut yourself…

Or not!

I mean, some people prefer just reading; theres something for everyone in Southern Coastal Spain.

Just take a look at this site:

[redacted] - You can write a whole page for this site! Check out what this guy has! Get inside his head…

What does he think on average?

How does he want others to see him?

or…

How does he see his site?

How does he want viewers to see his site?

Find out his fears, what he eats, where he sleeps and where he shits…..

What are his motives?

How do people get away with this where children can see?

What are people looking for when they move to Spain?

Maybe a rental so they can explore the country before they move there?

Or do they just want what everyone else wants?

You’re the wheel(wo)man here, Its kind of up to you and your judgement. Im counting on you. And anyone else who gets this message. If you want to, and youve made it this far, maybe submit an article, and we’ll have a contest for which one I send. (j/k Amy, there is only you)

On his homepage, hes putting “…rise in tourism, and hotels and rentals[sic] , which may be a good way for you to explore the country before you move here”.

So, hope that helps…that is, if you need some idea of an angle before you go in….

You can write about this:

or this:

Maye even both. Maybe one of those lower coastal Spain regions like the Costas, “have something for everyone, whether you’re into beaches, or eating zebra carcass.” type deals.

Either way,
I believe in you.

you’re a crack agent.

Again, not quite what I meant, but thats ok. Youve never let me down before.

Except that time,

But hey, I’m over it. That was years ago. Now I just want you to take your creative style, and show me a page like no one’s ever seen before….

yea.

s’what Im talkin about….

totally edgy and unique.

Completely fresh, and without label…

not given to societal norms.

way out in edge city

Like, completely defiant, cuz no one understands.

And no one ever will.

Got it?

k thx bai!

<3

I just want to apologize for any visitors who have actually gone to infinitedesu.com. While I feel as though I did provide fair warning when I originally linked it, I was looking at WPStats and couldn’t help but notice that people have actually clicked on that.

What you will find, upon visiting infinitedesu.com is the following: …nothing.
Apparently, I let the hosting or the domain or something expire. Could have sworn that auto-renewed. Well kids, looks like it’s technically up for grabs. If you buy it because you saw the name here, let me know so I can congratulate you on your refined tastes.

But if domain sniping isn’t your cup of tea, what you can do is visit RKNet’s new affiliate, TorsoPants. I came across their site earlier today and I was so impressed I decided that I had to be their friend. You can be their friend too, just tell them I sent you, ok?

There’s so much going for them: their site works in Opera without fuss, they’ve got all kinds of great design on the site, there are more hidden fun things than at a hidden fun thing convention, and I guess they’ve got good clothing, or something. I definitely spent a while at the site today, really just exploring all the things to see and do, and trying to decide whether or not I can afford to buy a pair of torsopants (which for those keeping score at home, is like a “shirt” only superior in every way) before I spend the money to renew Infinite Desu.

If I get the cash-money necessary to resurrect infinitedesu.com myself (hint), then I hope to achieve a similar standard of site awesomeness that I saw demonstrated by the proprietors of TorsoPants, instead of the old infinitedesu.com, which just had an annoying animated gif for a background, and the word “desu” over and over and over again.

I realize that some of my visitors may be coming here because they have no idea what the deal is with “desu”. I can appreciate being in the dark like that, and would like to take a minute (just sit right there) to explain a little more about what desu is and why I felt compelled to even buy infinitedesu.com in the first place.

Desu

Verb. Japanese form of the verb “to be”. Example: Watashi wa Amerika-jin desu. I am an American.

(aux) (pol) polite copula in Japanese; (P) [via Jeffrey's Japanese Dictionary]

Exclamatory. Taking a cue from a character named Suiseiseki featured in the 2004 anime, Rozen Maiden, people on the internet have come to use desu in excess. This is most often found in the form of the “desu flood” where by a post or entire thread is comprised of ONLY the word desu, repeated over and over again. It is the determination of Encyclopedia Dramatica’s shadowy editors that Desu is a classic meme. No other sources seemed to refute this.

And now…
Needs more desu!

One look at our vending machines will tell you that office-dwelling drones like Your Humble Narrator are always seeking out exotic drinkable liquids. Especially if said liquids are reputed to be imbued with energizing or stupefying properties. Maybe it’s the condition of our imprisonment, which in this office typically involves non-ergonomic, castoff cubicles, brutally punishing chairs, and cthonic food from the grim eateries which dot the surrounding wasteland (these bleak offerings might make Franz Kafka shrug resignedly and reach for a fork, but personally they make me bemoan the lack of a 24-hour Korean restaurant in the immediate vicinity). Maybe it’s the psychological/economic bondage of a modern business environment, wherein failure is not an option and the creature comforts are best described as “hit-or-miss”. Maybe it’s the high frustration level, combined with lack of sleep (due to work-related worries) which can make us rage like fearsome goetic demons forced to watch Legally Blonde 2.

In any case, even if one just examines the elaborate cultural rituals associated with (for instance) shotgunning sugar-free Red Bull (I’ll try to post about this in the future) or popping down to the local sports bar for a bottom-shelf Long Island iced tea (referred to by us cognoscenti as an “ether and sour mix” because of its unusual psychotogenic properties which cannot be individually ascribed to any of its constituent boozes)… it’s clear that there’s some kind of collective drinks-based coping behavior which spans the nerd-steppenwolf demographic and, unpredictably, inches insidiously into the repertoire of fairly respectable Liberal Arts majors. My personal theory is that these behaviors start out as pathological compulsions, until they are copied by at least one other person, whereby they attain official meme-hood, which in turn makes the progenitor feel justified, so he/she repeats the action, and then the cycle self-perpetuates until the meme gets old, the participants die/get fired, or until the required ingredients become exhausted.

Take for example, the practice of dropping a teabag into a hot cup of coffee.

This loathsome act is a true last-ditch effort. The participants are so jaded in their exhaustion, this is the final frontier, the nadir, the Last Judgment. Whether our nights are spent boozing it up or writing code until the wee hours, the effect is astonishingly similar. Once-human organisms are now reduced to soulless husks, caricatures of our former selves. In this degraded condition, we crave stimulus, which, at this advanced stage, can only be brought about by a handful of questionable exercise stimulants, washed down with an overpriced canister of phenylalanine-rich chemical ooze.

Such was our Monday mindset when, today, my staunch acolyte and I devised a new and gruesome sacrament. By steeping a teabag in a cup of infernally steaming coffee, our desire was to harness the clarity and energy of the strong black tea, tempered with the anxiety and panic of the coffee. The result was a murky liquid, which looked a lot like that black stuff which engulfed James Brolin toward the end of The Amityville Horror. Perhaps most singular was the aftertaste, a bitter, lingering tang of tannins. It is testament to my own slow, sad deterioration that I found the mixture to be not wholly unpleasant. Perhaps most disturbing is the understanding that I might voluntarily drink this again.

Below is a transcript of our findings:
(02:13:57 PM) me: dude this actually isn’t as awful as I thought it would be
(02:14:16 PM) XXXXX: its almost good
(02:14:25 PM) me: for real
(02:14:32 PM) me: I already feel more jacked up
(02:15:08 PM) XXXXX: then we should call it jack bauer’s tea bag
(02:15:28 PM) me: hahahahahah
(02:15:58 PM) me: I was going to suggest we could call it “Nightside of Eden” - I like yours better
(02:16:27 PM) XXXXX: well yours is for sure more poetic
(02:17:34 PM) me: “chai-flavored roundhouse kick to the taint”
(02:18:07 PM) XXXXX: thats it!
(02:18:16 PM) XXXXX: thats the taste in my mouth exactly!
(02:18:32 PM) me: “the sweat from Charles Bronson’s brow”
(02:18:57 PM) me: “Paul Schaeffer’s smarm in a cup”
(02:18:57 PM) XXXXX: strained through kurt russels pubes
(02:19:02 PM) me: hahahah

All this talk of Mudkips (and having to troll around Google Labs for something work related) got me to thinking, just how popular is this whole “mudkips” thing, and what about rival Pokémon meme, Seaking?
Well, the results are in!
The winner for longest running search item? Seaking.
Current most popular? Mudkips.
Overall though, I’d say the winner is Seaking by a huge margin. Fuck yeah, Seaking!

Although I couldn’t help but notice, when adding Slowpoke (Hey guys, am I late?), I got some articles too. Talking about some hybrid Lexus. Funky. In typical Slowpoke fashion, this search lags way, way behind the others. Fitting, really.

Search result totals (as of a few minutes ago):
Seaking - 1,110,000
Slowpoke - 624,000
Mudkips - 359,000 for mudkip, 122,000 for mudkips

Clearly, even though there’s a rise in popularity of the newer gen meme fodder, Mudkips, there is a serious lack of content for this topic. Although to be fair, I think Encyclopedia Dramatica probably has the subject covered well enough for us all. If you don’t know that ED is not safe for work then you haven’t been around the block. So I’ll tell you right now, that it’s not safe for work, and if you’re really very worried about that, then you should probably not go around the block. They do however have a link in there for a PDF on scientists’ attempts to study the development and regeneration of axolotls, which as we learned earlier today, are the closest thing we get to Mudkips on this side of our Quantum Reality Tunnel. Science will find a way though, it always does. Yay science!

Anyway, all of that was really just some blatent search related infoporn, exposing me for the meme-addled child I truly am. Do they have support groups for this kind of thing?