Revisions, updates, and addendum below

I am sure that you all, like myself, have been disappointed by the recent turn of events surrounding WordPress.com’s arbitrary rule enforcement process.

I would like to present to you all an opportunity to “live under the articles” (p. 186), as it were.

I should like to extend to you the following offer:

A new home for Alexandria.
Freedom is never fully ‘free’ in the strictest sense, and at the very least the cost is making some decisions.

1. Scraping together $10 could get the group alexandriablog.org (but is not necessary). More colorful suggestions welcome.
• A subdomain of randomkitty.net (i.e. alexandria.randomkitty.net) would cost no money as I already pay to maintain this domain name, but would be less unique and less search engine friendly (arguably).
2. A “platform” choice must be made. That is: What tools will the group most want to use to publish articles to the website?
• WordPress (the framework available from wordpress.org), seems to be the winning suggestion here. I cannot emphasize enough: this would be usage of the same dashboard system as Alexandria currently runs on, at a new location, without wordpress.com’s supervision or involvement. The ToS concerns which brought us to our knees would not apply here, and all the same posting abilities would remain and probably expand.
3. Whether or not to monetize at all, ever.
• There are many options available for making the site make money. As you can see to the left I am not all that exceptional at it, and frankly just having a hosting-related donation link on site somewhere would be sufficient. I seek no personal gain from this offer, but appreciate all efforts which offset the costs of said offer.
4. Leadership responsibilities
• I absolutely want none. Our Good H.M. Stuart has done a remarkable job as benevolent dictator where absolutely required, and the community itself is robust enough to stand on its own two feet. That said, I would never recommend any system in which everyone had administrator privileges, because frankly there are too many opportunities to make mistakes. I would retain an administrator level account for whatever system is in place in order to serve as ship’s mechanic, much like what H.M. is officially declaring his role to now be.
5. New author nominations
• It sounds like new author nominations were not readily forthcoming from the group, and that is something which would need to be remedied if the community is to remain lively.
• As noted below in the comments, I would be in favor of a Taberna-esque area of the site dedicated towards general, and meta discussions of the site/community itself.

A few other notes:
I have a bunch of recent posts in my RSS feed from Alexandria and could be persuaded to copy/paste these articles with correct attributions to the new location.

The site will be a new site, not this one, and will not have to be varying shades of pepto pink. That was my own template madness and I should not think to inflict that upon you all any more than necessary.

Even if this all seems like an absolutely dreadful lot of work and is simply no good, I would like it if we all didn’t simply scatter to the four winds. Please feel free to leave whatever other sites or contact info you feel is appropriate to give. You will find a full compliment of symptoms of my internet addiction here.

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Hey folks, I’m not dead. Now that’s out of the way, on to the main event. I’m quite the fan of Henry Rollins, anything he’s in I’ll watch, any interview that’s out there I’ll look into – I really dig on him. I’ve seen his spoken word twice before, once in my native state of New Hampshire and once in the neighboring Massachusetts. After looking on his site to see if he’s going to be stopping around the area in the near future I saw two shows posted for his Frequent Flyer Tour that are within somewhat close proximity — Sommerville, MA on March 17th and Portland, ME on the 18th. Hadn’t seen him in Maine yet, time to change that. And although the show hasn’t happened yet I will most likely enjoy it but regardless this will make him the second artist to have seen three times, once in each state (the other being masked metal band from Ohio, Mushroomhead.) Being a fan of him, like being a fan of anything, I have questions and I would love the chance to sit down with him for about four days and ask all my nerdy questions until blood rockets out my nose. However due to time constraints that unfortunately could not happen, but Henry was very gracious enough to answer my questions via email. Enjoy, folks.

Image from artvoice.com

SKETCH: Those who are big fans of your spoken word will notice that the tone of it has become drastically different. You started out reading poetry on stage that was quite serious, then you just went up there and did spoken word with a serious tone, now its a balance of comedy and that dash of reality. Like the first hour and a half will be mostly comedic stories then the last half hour will be something very down to Earth and something that kinda snaps you into reality to make you realize there are still big problems afoot. Was this change a conscious choice or did it just happen that way?

HENRY: I just do the show. I am not sure of how the thing has changed over the years. I am not really working on the form of the thing as much as I am just out there doing it and I guess it changes over the years.

SKETCH: You’ve mentioned in many interviews that you don’t consider yourself to be an actor despite the 35+ movies you have under your belt. But has there ever been an acting gig you’ve taken where you’ve looked at the film and thought you did a good job?

HENRY: I thought I did pretty good on the Sons Of Anarchy show I was in last year. Most of the time I don’t watch any film I am in.

SKETCH: Additionally with your film credits and knowledge of film have you considered or attempt to write a script or make a movie of your own?

HENRY: Never. I respect that kind of talent but don’t have any of it. It’s never been something that interests me.

SKETCH: Your show in IFC “The Henry Rollins Show” which many people, including myself, dug quite a bit, hasn’t had any new episodes since 2007. What’s that status of the show and when can we look forward to Seasons 2 & 3 coming to DVD?

HENRY: We shot the two seasons of it and then IFC dropped the show. It’s their money so they have the say. I guess they didn’t like the show. I thought we did good work. The 2nd season is on DVD in Australia and I believe they are on download on i-Tunes.

SKETCH: Those who look you up will know that you are quite passionate about the West Memphis Three, and that there is an album that was released which features you and many different artists doing Black Flag songs to benefit their defense. First, how are things developing on this front? Second, how did getting these artists come together?

HENRY: The case moves slowly through the system that will hopefully resolve in new hearing. Things move very slowly though. Meanwhile, those men sit in prison. We had a couple of people to help us get all the singers. I didn’t have many phone numbers to reach these people, so we got some help. Once we asked these people, most of them came aboard very quickly. They were very generous with their time.

SKETCH: Has there been any music, new or old, that you’ve been listening to a lot lately?

HENRY: I have been listening to a lot of old music from what’s called The Nurse With Wound List. It’s a list online of very out there albums. Many of them are very rare and hard to find. Someone gave me about 15 gigabytes of music from the list recently, so I have been checking that out for days now. Today, I listened to a band from the list called Moving Gelatine Plates. Pretty cool.

SKETCH: Lately many audiences have been complaining, on small and large scales, about the way that studios are running their companies (constant remakes, sequels and adaptations; good shows canceled while “reality” TV is all that’s left.) Similar complaints have been made about mom and pop shops going out of business and malls and large retail chains left standing, yet the reality is the American consumer is choosing to go the chains and malls so they are at fault. Do you think that the status of the entertainment industry is in a similar vein, that it’s the audiences who are not really wanting it? Or do you think studios and record labels condescend the intelligence of the audience thus lowering the standards of new material or not putting it out at all?

HENRY: The people are going to the malls because the merchandise is cheaper there. They buy from Amazon.com because it is cheaper to do so. That’s how it is. It’s very hard on those smaller outlets that can’t buy in the vast bulk that these other places do and they can’t get the extended lines of credit, either. I think the audience wants it but they are low on cash and have found that they can often get things for free online. I know a guy who heists films from the internet, I don’t know how he does it but he always has films on his i-Pod that are still in theaters. I think it’s a combination of things, what I listed as well as other factors. It’s too bad that it could make it bad for so many hard working artists. The studios have underappreciated the intelligence of their audiences for years. Hence the success of shows that are sharp, those in the industry who have figured out that there are millions of people who want some more intense and thoughtful fare have been very successful.

SKETCH: On your online store you had a video promoting/explaining the contents of “Fanatic Vol. 3” while standing in a room where your music collection is housed, and you probably need to pause the video in order to properly gaze in awe at the two walls you see of CDs there are stacked from the floor to the ceiling. With such a collection like this, the idea of organizing it makes me both curious and scared. But how the hell do you organize that thing and have you needed to expand the room/store elsewhere to squeeze in a few discs?

HENRY: That’s the old room, actually. The room you saw held 24 feet of shelving about ten rows high. The new room has 64 feet of CD shelves, 12 rows high. There’s a different part of the room for vinyl and other media. It’s all genre/alphabetical. There’s several feet built in for expansion for all the media. A lot of work went into the room to get it all built to spec.

LINKS
Official Site
IMDb page
Wiki on The West Memphis Three
The Henry Rollins Show: Season One

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A Long while ago, while sitting in my smoking chair blowing contemplatively erotic smoke rings into the air, I thought briefly about what it would be like to publicly gift my fellow gentle breed with my curiously wondrous and humorous tales and musings. The more I pondered about it, the more the thought smoke soaked into the satin night robe of my mind and stained it with a blurry grey smudge of a dream.

That night a fierce ambition was born and from near and far I searched for a proper stand to orate my thoughts into my fellow man. Many found me tiresome, some merely scoffed. Said, they had no time for such a verbose rambler of my sophisticated sort. However, I never weakened in my noble resolve and due to my strict obedience to my pure and admirable principles I was richly rewarded.

I was coaxed by a particularly virile comrade of mine to peer into his Intertronular Computation Mechanism and introduced me to the world wide web of lexicographical luxury known by the lay as the Blogsphere. It was here that I found a suitable home for my intrepid scripting of words.

So I petitioned the owners of several blogs offering my services and at long last I found a place that had use for me and my devilishly constructed sentences of verbose verbal excellence.

This place was named Random Kitty (A name that quite tickled my particular delights). Here I decided I would lay down my singular thoughts and perhaps make a little extra opium money. So with all the grace of a king I greet you all. My name is Klaus, and I will be injecting this blog with my invigorating literary skills. Its surely is a pleasure.

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I MAED A GAM3 W1TH Z0MBIES 1N IT!!!1

As it turns out, I don’t just love this game, I love-love it. Let me tell you right now that you may not spend hours and hours on this. It’s not that kind of game. What it is, you see, is the fastest paced, 1-4 player shoot-em-up (or shmup, if you must resort to neologisms like that) on the block. It starts slow, with just a few enemies so you can get the feel for the two-stick mechanic which is smooth like butta, even if you’re like me and your hours of Katamari training make you tend to point both sticks in the same direction. There are no instructions, no tutorial, just a couple of shuffling zombies coming at you across the field, shown in glorious top-down 2d as the theme music begins to swell “Welcome… to my game…”. After killing a few zombies a couple power ups might appear on the field. Scampering over to pick these up, you may find yourself as I did: simultaneously delighted with the new firepower presented to you, and horrified as you realize that the number of foes is beginning to rapidly increase. I’d tell you what happens next, but to do so would be to totally ruin the awe-inspiring effect.

Let me prognosticate for a moment about this game’s theme music: it will be the next Still Alive. It encorporates all the elements that make a video game song just great. Involves a nerd favorite, in this case zombies. It is very tongue in cheek. It is epic in scope. It appeals to those with an already eclectic taste in music. I am going to link you to the song under one condition: don’t listen to it until you have played the game. Ok? Here you go.

The game, as I mentioned, accommodates up to 4 players, and I strongly suggest enlisting all four. From what I understand it’s a short game, but I still haven’t made it to the end. I die pretty quickly on my own, and got MUCH farther with just one extra person. I think a team of four could probably make it all the way to the end, although it gets really intense rather quickly. I haven’t explored if the game allows remote multiplayer, but if it does I invite you to join me for a round or two.

Go get the game! You’ll probably spend more money on a shitty sugar soda! This is so much better for you, trust me.

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Author’s Note: Some editing may apply to the article below. This article was originally 2 hours worth of unedited vitriol, inspired by the inordinate amount of time it takes me to remove spammers from my follower list on Twitter. (I block because I care about the health of the network.) I would like to state for the record that I am ~not~ a consultant and my field of employ does not position me as a social media anything. I am fully employed at a .com company that is none of your business because my opinions here are completely my own and in no way reflect those of my employers past, present or future, as is the case with all my articles.

Listen. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “oh god, another contrarian anti-internet jerk who just doesn’t get it”, right? Well, here’s the problem, assuming there is anything to “get” in the first place, I feel as though I do get it. So let me explain to you in no uncertain terms why I feel that you have to be very picky about how you approach the broad spectrum of things on the internet that have fallen under the somewhat dubious umbrella of “social media” – what follows applies mostly if you are a company or work for a company which wishes to employ this miracle tool to win friends and influence shoppers. Those of you who are largely concerned with keeping up with your friends and picking up some new novel on Amazon are exempt from this lecture and may go on about your business.

Someone, somewhere, right now may have just friended you or followed you or emailed you or called you with the intent to sell their services to you as an expert in social media. It may not have even been a real person, it may have been someone’s automated robot, spitting out update after update linking back to their blog or company website. This person may have been trying to convince you of one of the following things:

• You NEED to be a part of social media in order to make it in business.
• You NEED to be a part of social media to make it on the internet.
• You NEED to have dozens of automated accounts, linking to affiliate programs, so you never have to work another day in your life.
• You NEED the services of a “qualified social media expert” (really? what are the qualifications for that?) just like them to make this happen, because you, poor soul that you are, don’t get it.
• You NEED to have “conversations” with your customers, every last damn one of them, and you can somehow find all of your customers through the internet regardless of your business model or demographic.
• You NEED to be light and human and approachable on this wild, wooly internet, or your customer base will think you’re just a mean old corporate giant and won’t trust you anymore.
• You NEED to make sure that you do your campaigning virally from now on, and harness the power of the crowd.

If you are hearing any or all of the above statements, I want you to take a deep breath, take a good long look at this person telling you these things, and realize that you may be dealing with a blithering asshole, a liar, or an asshole liar. This individual may be feeding you a complete line of bullshit in order to help themselves to your money. This individual may also be intelligent, well-rounded, and respectful of you and your business. It is a VERY difficult line of judgement, and I urge individuals and businesses out to make a name for themselves (on the internet or otherwise) to tread carefully when it comes to the internet, since without self-education and experience it is very easy to get taken in by an enthusiastic pitchman who just wants you to “embrace the new media”.

Lest you think I’m just out to start trouble…

There are many ways in which acknowledging popular social media outlets could benefit a business, and just as many if not more ways that it can harm a business. It shouldn’t be a question of if your company will be participating in the various activities available on the internet, but when, how, and most importantly why.

In an extreme negative example, let us take the “Domino’s YouTube incident” into consideration for a moment. A couple of young employees of a particular Domino’s store took it upon themselves to film themselves playing with food that was intended to be delivered to a customer in a way that was clearly pretty unsanitary or at the very least against guidelines. They posted said video to YouTube, a content delivery service which allows anyone with an account to upload video files to share with as few or as many people as the account holder wishes. Due to the fact that this incident was rather outrageous, the link to that video spread a lot further than those two employees’ friends, and wound up being a huge embarrassment to the entire franchise. This in turn resulted in the President of Domino’s himself recording a response and distributing it through YouTube also. The original, incriminating videos were the kind of mildly gross, slightly shocking, pure-amusement dreck that tends to go popular, and unfortunately none of the major news outlets who covered the story back when it first occurred managed to get the number of views the video managed to receive prior to the suspension of “whiteair2″, the original account the videos were posted on.

Some would argue that if Domino’s had been proactive in their approach to social media in particular, this may not have been “as bad” or may not have happened at all. Yes and no, would be my response to that claim. Would it have been worthwhile for Domino’s to monitor for the presence of its company name on the internet, and be prepared to respond should anything negative start to gain ground? Absolutely, because as demonstrated here, things can occur which get people to talking with one another, and eventually things like this can leave the walled gardens from which they sprung. Everything I’ve heard about public relations suggests that good PR has legs and will generate positive influence that may bring in future customers. Bad PR, however, seems to have a hangar full of high speed jets which can result in misconceptions, smug disdain, and complaints that spread faster and linger for much longer.

Yet this monitoring is by no means exclusive to “social media” outlets such as YouTube or Twitter, and likewise, no amount of canned responses thrown up on YouTube, nor Twitter accounts/posts to mitigate the seemingly endless stream of whiny, self-righteous haters, can stop this sort of thing or even improve the company’s standing with either the internet using people they are supposedly reaching out to or more importantly the greater public. The extremely scripted response from the Domino’s President clocks in (as of today) at 731,695 views, according to the official posting of the video, which is downright pathetic given the amount of mass media attention this story received. However, reposts may also carry views which aren’t counted in this number. Perhaps it is not a coincidence that the articles I have read only give passing nods to Domino’s response to the matter, and focus more on the shock-and-awe blitz that the original videos seem to have stirred up to begin with.

What this story has to teach is:

• Not being aware of how you and your company can be portrayed in the public by average citizens using an easily accessible set of tools can be disastrous.
• Trying to mitigate a terrible PR situation by poorly using the tools that seem to have been the “cause” of the problem does not automatically win you the love of those same detractors. Handling the situation quickly and professionally might, if you’re lucky.

Note: A commenter brought up a good point RE: my recap of the Domino’s situation and I clarified my thoughts in a follow-up comment. Scroll down and read if you’re interested. Thank you, Liz, for the opportunity to clarify those points.

So what about my business?

What this has to do with you, and the slick individual who thinks it would be a good idea to sign your company up for Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, and all these other “popular” sites, is very simple. It starts by asking yourself a very simple question: “Does my company have something tangible to gain by actively interacting with its customer base through one of these outlets?”

These days, the answer to the second question is almost guaranteed to be a partial yes, unless you’re doing something like making custom wagon parts for the Amish, then maybe not so much. Yet before you invest all your money in a fast-talking internet “guru” (which is a word to watch out for, by the way, since most of these would-be rinpoche have dubbed themselves gurus), hire 6 more people just to re-tweet press releases for you, and figure out how to talk about your product on the YouTube even if no one cares, there are a couple more questions you might want to ask yourself, your staff, and your magical social media consultant:

• Why should I be proactively seeking criticism and input from a relatively small portion of my customer base using services like Facebook and Twitter when I can dedicate more resources to a more balanced approach that entails monitoring a larger portion of the internet INCLUDING those sites to create a good cycle of reactive implementation of better features and services?
• Does my company have the ability to put someone, or several people, in “the line of fire” to respond almost instantaneously to any situation that is made aware to the public, knowing that these people must be given the freedom to respond in a largely unscripted manner if they are to be at all effective in coming across as genuine?
• Does my company – or my consultant – understand the difference between marketing, public relations, and reputation management?
  • Does my company – or consultant – understand that these initiatives are related, but are still different and will require different disciplines, approaches, and sometimes people to be successful?
• Does my company know when to draw the line and handle a situation through dealing with the traditional media outlets, understanding that for every customer on the internet, there are several more who will not have access to those broadcasts from us?
• Is my company interested in self-promotion and press releases, or direct customer relations and expanding customer service contact methods?
• What kind of things are being said about my product or service on the internet?
  • What kinds of things are being said about my competitors’ products or services?
  • What kind of things are being said about directly related or easily confused products or services?
  • What kind of things are being said about my entire niche or section of business?
  • What kind of things are being said specifically by people in my demographic for any one or all of these things?
• (And of course the pre-work to all of that previous short list of questions, in case that didn’t scare you enough:) Does my company have demographic information about our business model, niche, or industry as well as a basic understanding of the terms and topics related to that, and an ability to dedicate resources to that research before, during and after any phase of a long-term customer facing campaign on the internet?

If your “social media expert” or “guru” or just plain old consultant cannot help you address any one of the above questions, then they are not doing you a service, but a very distinct disservice. The internet is a fairly complex emotional and social landscape, but so is a television viewing audience, a base of radio listeners, and the readership of a magazine or newspaper. The key factor here is that you are always dealing with answering the question of “How does my business interact with the public?” If you let yourself get blinded by cheap tactics under the guise of “better SEO” or “getting with the times” or some kind of misguided free love approach to business on the internet that you have no plans of actually embracing, then you are going to be about as effective on a site like Twitter as a man wearing a sandwich board in the subway screaming about the end times and handing out leaflets to everyone who dares get within five feet of him. Sure, being in the subway is great exposure, and he’s yelling so everyone can hear him, he’s definitely getting to a lot of people, and he’s delivering his leaflets of content to really spread the word around. The trouble is, they all thing he’s annoying, insane, or both, and they’re probably right. It’s a terrible way to do business either out on the street or through channels like Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, etc.

Summary:

• Think before you act.
• Never abandon or detract from your bottom line for what could be a trend, or go against your core business model.
• Do not cave to the pressure to be on Twitter simply because you’re paying someone to tell you that it’s a good idea. And fire that guy who can’t give you at least one good reason why it is genuinely good for your business.
• Be aware that the internet can impact your PR, but handle the situation according to what is right for your business, not according to the media used for delivery. (Would you run a counter local Fox news investigation if a local Fox news investigation caused you a PR flap? Probably not.)

Thanks, and happy interneting!

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Those who are already subscribed to the (feedburner) RSS feed may have noticed a particularly large link dump post, brimful of esoteric whatnots and occult herbal do-dads.

Those who aren’t, I’d like to direct your attention to the great big purple box in the upper right hand corner. Exclusive to the feed is my del.icio.us activity in daily digest posts. “But why do I want to know what you do on the internet?” you might be asking yourself. A valid question indeed, but bear in mind the original purpose of “blogging” as described by the guy credited with inventing the blog is to share links to things one likes or wants to share.

The items from Saturday’s link dump post all share a common tag: wcghm.

This tag stands for White Coagulate of Greater Homunculi Matter. Not really. It stands for Weiser Concise Guide to Herbal Magick. Judith Hawkins-Tillirson provides an easy to grasp initiation to the study of herbal correspondences to planetary archetypes and the Qabbalah as set up through (Uncle Al) Crowley’s 777 and related works with a goal of improving one’s magickal practices through the use of plants.

Those already intimately familiar with 777 may find this slightly redundant, but for beginners or the generally curious it is a terrific reference. I picked it up at my local Barnes & Noble for about 12$ and it was more than worth every penny. Hawkins-Tillirson provides more than just a condensed understanding of the herbal information available in 777, she cites many different sources and at times provides differing interpretations from that classic magickal guide.

The wcghm del.icio.us tag provides to you nearly all the web-based references cited in the book. You can get the inside scoop on stuff like this by subscribing to the RKNet feed, or you can go add me to your del.icio.us network and add your del.icio.us network feed to your reader of choice. You can do that by going to your “Network” page in del.icio.us – delicious.com/network/yourusername – and scrolling down to the bottom of the page, there will be a link labeled “RSS feed for these Bookmarks” which will give you your custom network-specific feed.

Bonus: If you’re an Amazon Prime member (you can always do the free month trial!) you can get it for $11 with no shipping. There are also some used (and overstock I guess?) copies out there for between 3$-7$ if you’re curious but low on pocket money. And of course, there’s always your local library. As Judith mentions herself in the book, do not underestimate the valuable service that interlibrary loaning provides!

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Look, anyone who knows me can attest to the idea that, I’m probably not the most put-together person on the planet. In fact, my inability to get organized, and my all-star procrastinator status really gives me little credibility when it comes to telling you what to do. However, in the past six months, I’ve been on a campaign to get my shit together– I’ve certainly had failures, but I’ve also had a few successes. I’d like to share with you a few things that I desperately wish someone had told me– before I found out the hard way.

1. Embrace Online Banking

Guess What? Those bills you’ve got piling up aren’t going to pay themselves. You want to know how I know this? About 12 collection-agency letters in six months. I ignored the first few influx’ of these letters- pretended they were junk mail and adopted the attitude, much like a 2 year old hiding under a blanket, that if I can’t see it, it’s not there. Well, 2 year olds are stupid, and collection-agencies aren’t going anywhere.

It was tough to come to terms with it, but, after shelling out $600 for a several months overdue phone bill (plus collection agency fees, and “early account termination fees”), I realized that, holy shit, you really really need to pay your bills. On time. Every month.

So, I set up automatic payments straight from my checking account through my bank’s online banking program. I check my balance every morning so I know where I’m at, and once a week I have automatic deductions taken from my credit-card company, student-loan managers, and savings account. My gym membership is taken automatically on a monthly basis and I don’t have to think about any of it.

2. Make a File

Keep all of your important shit together. I have a Huge three-ring binder outfitted with several dividers and folders labeled with simple, somewhat vague information like: Computer stuff (where I’ll keep OS disks, receipts for hardware, etc.), Money (pay stubs, bank receipts), Bills (statements, payment-plan overviews). Keeping all of your things in one place means you’ll always know exactly where to look when your computer crashes, or you need to dispute a claim to your credit-card company.

3. Cook Some Damn Food

Stop eating out! You’re spending way too much money, and you’re likely eating like shit. Go to the grocery store, try something new, come up with a few specialties and revel in the fact that you’ve got leftovers and you actually know what’s in them! Plus, cooking is fun. It’s a hobby that anybody can get into, and it pays off in spades.

4. Brown-Bag It

Remember that Chicken Parmesan you cooked up last night? Bring it to work with you tomorrow! In fact, when you’re portioning out your plate for dinner, get out a Tupperware and throw some in right then and there. Still too much work? Make a weekly trip to the grocery store and pick up some cheap, non-refrigerated meals and keep them in your desk drawer. For $10-15 a week, you can eat like a king. I recommend Yakisoba (its like ramen, but with cabbage and other veggies), Progresso or Campbell’s Chunky Soups, even Easy Mac. Then, bring a few fruits to round out your meal, and you’re golden on a budget.

5. Enough With the Beer!

OK, this one’s more of a goal. I’m certainly not one to talk… as I consider myself somewhat of a beer snob. However, this snobbery is costing me bucks! Not to mention the serious poundage that a good-beer habit is responsible for. Listen, I’m not going to sit down with a PBR pounder with my dinner (I’ll reserve those for the weekend, thank you very much). I’m going to drink good beer, which is usually going to set me back $8 a six-pack. Not a cheap habit. And, honestly, the fact that I’ve busted two buttons in two weeks, is a sign that my pants are practically begging me to give the beer a rest and sit down to dinner with a nice glass of red Zin instead. Want proof? G, could you stand up for us please? Girl looks great!

6. Stop Shopping!

It sounds so easy. But, I’m an emotional shopper. Tazed at work? I could really use some new make-up or a clearance-shirt (or 6). Fight with the b/f? Maybe I’ll dye my hair. Pfft, who needs men… You get the idea… but when you find yourself heading out to the store with a vengeance- just stop. Don’t go to the outlets with your friend and expect to “just browse.” Stop running to Target any time you need a bottle of conditioner and just get it at the supermarket. Back away from the shoes. It’s simple- if you don’t put yourself in the midst of temptation, you wont buy. Do something productive with your time and breathe a little easier knowing you just saved yourself $40 worth of useless crap.

7. $4 Prescription Plans

It pains me to advocate for Wal-Mart… but I’m gonna do it. Their $4 prescription plan is exceptional– there are hundreds of prescriptions for medications ranging from cholesterol regulators to anti-anxiety meds and everything in between. $4 a month is a lot better than $50, and even if you don’t have insurance, you’ll be able to afford your meds. PS. Target offers a similar program, if you simply can’t bring yourself to patronize Wal-Mart (and who could blame you?)

8. Get Therapy

OK, hear me out. Therapy is not for everyone- but if you’re going through a tough time (whether financially, personally or emotionally) I can’t stress enough the benefits that therapy may have. For me, it gave me confidence, reminded me that I’m not a terrible person, and spurred me on to really take stock of my life- my goals, my financial situation and my emotional status. In fact, seeing a therapist was the catalyst to taking on many of the positive changes I’ve decided to take on. However, if you simply can’t wrap your head around therapy, or you just don’t believe in it– give yourself the next best thing and get your ass moving. Whether that means going to the gym, practicing yoga or going for a walk every day– being active is a motivator in and of itself. It is the natural anti-depressant and it is guaranteed to give you more energy, and to make you feel better about yourself.

9. Freelance

What are you good at? Computers? Cooking? Writing? Sewing? Everyone’s good at something, and finding a way to turn your hobbies into extra cash is a fun and lucrative way to stay on-top of your skills, and finance your weekly wing-night. Offer to patch the holes in your friends’ wardrobes, write for your friends’ blog (thanks G!), help a friend build a website, or cook a weeks worth of freezable meals for your culinarily challenged co-worker. It’ll be fun!

10. Have a Lot of Sex

OK, I’m bragging. Sue me. Having frequent sex with someone you care about is rejuvenating, invigorating, confidence-boosting, and well, fun. It’s even a great economic plan: when you want to go shopping- have sex. When you’ve had a bad day- have sex. When you’re exhausted- have sex. When you’re unmotivated- have sex. To really put some pep in your step: have sex in the morning before work. If you only adopt one of these tips (though, I’d really recommend online banking hehe), bust out that Kama Sutra and have a lot of sex.

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Almost every movie this year has been a remake, a sequel, or an adaptation from a novel or comic book. Many like me find this to be a sad sight in the realm of films which is why many say that Hollywood hast lost it’s originality. In reality I think the reason why studios don’t put out fresh content is simply because it’s too much of a gamble to them. Putting out something already familiar is a lot easier than something new because they already know there is an audience so it’s guaranteed at least a few bucks whereas if you put something brand new out it’s hit or miss, and they’re afraid to take that risk which runs contrary to the whole point of making films where regardless of what the project is it’s gonna be a risk. And unfortunately this business practice affects not only mainstream cinema but also independent. The standards for indie films have greatly changed in the last ten years. It used to be if you had decent content and acting from people you’ve never heard of you could shoot it on a camcorder and several years later make a box office flop with Ben Affleck. Now if it’s not done on a professional-grade camera with someone familiar you’ll be lucky if it even gets past the submissions board because of originality and also the cost of things. Another part of why they choose not to gamble is because everything costs more to make it, not so much as it is the production itself but the people involved have raised their price. Many people involved on screen live so lavishly and for seemingly no legit reason. I believe I’m starting to digress. What follows are several examples that prove my point as well as the other concept. These are are many upcoming sequels, remakes and adaptations that have been announced or are in some form of production.

The Karate Kid – ANNOUNCED
For those out of the loop, it has been announced that an attempt will be made to remake the classic ’84 movie about a boy named Daniel being mentored by an elder Asian man named Mr. Myiagi who protects him from a group of bullies who later challenge Daniel to a karate tournament. On paper, horrible idea. Firstly, the reason why it’s called a classic is because it is a fantastic movie, which means you don’t fuck with it by remaking it (or doing a shitty mock-up with Chuck Norris.) Second, Pat Morita who played the iconic Mr. Myiagi tragically is no longer with us so the idea of replacing him is downright daffy. But if you thought it couldn’t get worse it does. Will Smith is producing it… for his son as the role of Daniel. At this time I’ll wait until you wipe the blood away and get stitched up from slamming your head into your desk. When I found out that he was behind this masquerade I was furious as you might know given my previous tear into Mr. ID4. Sony has thankfully said no to the idea, not of the remake as a whole but to Smith’s son as the lead. Comforting, but not entirely. And then last night/this morning I read this which made me want to punch everyone in the fucking throat. If you’re too mad and fearful to read, Smith’s son wants to take out the famous crane kick that happens at the very end of the movie during the karate tournament due to young Jaden wanting to “use some moves that he has seen playing video games on his Xbox.” (Momentary breakdown — FUCK YOU!!!) Luckily Will has some sense and is convincing him to nix the idea, but better yet how about can the project period so the suicide rate doesn’t explode?

Short Circuit – ANNOUNCED
In ’86 Number Five came alive with Ally Sheedy and Steve Guttenberg. Now in 2010 Number Five will be raped and left for dead as it will be one of the many thousands of remakes set to come out. I consider this movie to be a part of my childhood even though it came out two years before I was born, but regardless it’s one of many movies I hold close to me and is considered a classic to many people and as I previously stated you don’t fuck with classics. Dimension Films has bought the rights to remake the movie with the original writers. Regardless, NO! Because the way films are made now-a-days Johnny Five will be this super-sleek CG robot with more weapons than the Terminator and little to no heart as it had in the original since the men with money really write the script. Not to mention but I don’t think Sheedy, Guttenberg or Fisher Stevens wanna revisit something that was fine to begin with. I’ll only see it if I can get a little remote controlled Johnny Five from “Short Circuit 2.”

I Am Legend Sequel/Prequel and Hancock 2 – ANNOUNCED
If you thought Will Smith could ruin only one movie, wrong again. Now I’ll say that I really dug “I Am Legend”, I thought it was a fantastic movie with really badly done CG monsters. “Hancock”, tolerable but nothing all that great about it. Probably a movie that we could’ve done without. Are either one good enough to warrant another movie? I think not. Both of these have been announced and confirmed by Will Smith. As I said I dug “I Am Legend” but there really isn’t anymore story to tell, it’s source story by Richard Matheson didn’t feature a prequel or sequel story so just leave it at that. According to an article (found here) the story for the prequel basically shows the last days before Dr. Neville becomes the last human on Earth, showing a convoy between Washington DC to Manhattan which are the last two major cities to fall. Unless Michael Bay directs this, the whole purpose of making this won’t make sense. “Legend” is fine by itself, leave it alone. Ironically this movie is a take on both “Omega Man” and “The Last Man On Earth” which also only had the one movie and no continuations. As for “Hancock”, again no real purpose for a sequel other than beating a dead horse for money.

Monopoly, Ouija Board — ANNOUNCED
Two projects, two vastly different directors, one big confusing mess. It’s been announced that the two popular board games are to be turned into feature-length films. “Monopoly” is looking for Ridley Scott (best known for movies like “Blade Runner”, “American Gangster”, “Black Hawk Down” and many more) to helm the director’s chair for this while “Ouija Board” is in talks with Michael Bay. I think that the only reason Ridley was asked was because he’s known for making long movies that are good, which could be interesting since the game generally goes on like a hostage situation — there’s lots of money involved, everyone’s pissed off and ready to kill and at eventually someone goes to jail. There’s only one movie I can think of where this kinda thing was pulled off and that was “Clue”, but there was already a story in place for the game so it was easy to do. Monopoly isn’t a game, it’s a stress test. If anything it won’t be a movie based on the board game but just something that carries the same name. And Michael Bay’s “Ouija Board”? What could possibly generate a story? Steve Buscemi sells some college kids a Ouija board that makes things explode every six seconds? Firstly, no. Secondly, no. That’s not even really a board game, just a popular thing for goth kids in the ’80s. The problem with these board games being turned into movies is because the games themselves don’t have a plot behind them, it’s just like “Tetris” there’s no story there the purpose of it existing is simply to just have fun (except with Monopoly.)

Ghostbusters III – ANNOUNCED
Now this is another movie series that I’ve loved since I was a kid and for the longest time I was hoping to see them come to the screen for the first time (for me anyways, I was too young to see it in the theaters. First one I wasn’t born yet and the second I was only a year old.) However I’m like many fans who have already composed the third movie in my head so my expectations are kinda high. But the moment they said that they would be teaming up again for a video game that doesn’t suck my jaw went through the floor. With it’s release from now Atari on the rise for the closest thing to a sequel wheels are in motion to possibly bring back the crew for one more round or bring in a new team of Ghostbusters. A couple years ago I might’ve been in favor of it but would’ve needed further convincing since it’s been in talks for the last decade and I just think that it’s been way too long for this to go down. Then it was announced that Judd Apatow (director of “The 40 Year-Old Virgin” and producer of “Superbad” and the cinematic of Seth Rogen) would possibly be producing this with two writers from the American version of “The Office” writing the script. Now I have nothing against Apatow or “The Office” crew but that’s just bad written all over. But since the first two movies and the upcoming video game were written by Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Ivan Reitman it can be trusted whereas in someone else’s hands you can’t help but be skeptical. Then they announced that Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd and Romany Malco (all who starred in “The 40 Year-Old Virgin”) were being considered for the next installment. Again, I have nothing against any of these guys I respect and dig their work but that’s a horrible fucking idea. Even Rogen said that his name attached sounds bad. If the original writing team works on it then I’ll be more behind it, until then it’s up in the air.

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Good morning, shoppers. As usual December has rolled around which of course gives us the lovely sentimental holiday known as Christmas. And as we all know one of the many traditions that is a part of the spirit of Christmas that isn’t mass consumerism is movies. The kind that are sweet, loving, caring. the kind of movies that give you hope, that warm tingly feeling in your stomach like hot cocoa after playing in the snow. What the fuck are you doing reading this then? Although I’m not entirely off on that last part, the movie I’m about to review can leave a tiny warm feeling in your stomach, the catch is it’ll be a bullet hole. For those unaware, last Friday on December 5 the sequel (kinda) to the 2004 movie “The Punisher” was released. “Punisher: War Zone” I had been looking forward to for quite sometime since I saw the trailer. I saw the first one with Thomas Jane and enjoyed it (didn’t wow me but as a movie it was good.) When I heard that Jane and the director had bailed out I became skeptical as to who would take over. Came to find out it was Lexi Alexander and thought it was a brilliant pick after seeing her previous movie “Green Street Hooligans“. Then when I found out Ray Stevenson, an Irish actor I’d never heard of, was going to take over the role of Frank Castle and discovered that he looked JUST LIKE him I was rooting for it full steam.

The film takes place in New York City, where arguably many criminal minds reside. Castle has already made his presence as The Punisher well known to those in the criminal underworld who fear and members of the judicial system who envy him. It kicks off with Castle in his safe house watching a news broadcast about an infamous aging mob boss skating on serious charges due to a missing witness. Immediately vengeance is exacted by The Punisher on the mob family with the exception of the boss’ nephew, Billy Russoti (played by Dominic West) who escapes his wrath momentarily. The Punisher later follows him to a recycling plant which serves as a front to the crime family, which is being monitored by the FBI. A war begins inside the plant causing Russoti to fall into a pit of glass bottles which are waiting to be broken down by large grinders… to only be activated by Castle. Not killing him but only horribly disfiguring him turning him into his arch nemesis Jigsaw. In the midst of the lead-based melee Castle kills and undercover FBI agent in the line of duty. Which in comes his family featuring wife Angela Donatelli (Julie Benz) and daughter Grace (Stephanie Janusauskas) that in quick succession become a priority for Jigsaw when a large amount of money comes up missing from the family fund, making their safety a number one priority for Castle after accidentally murdering Donatelli. With the assistance of his friend Microchip (played by Wayne Knight, more commonly known as Newman. Yes, Newman is The Punisher’s friend) they go out to protect the Donatelli’s and take down Jigsaw with an arsenal behind them and in front of them.

One of the things I loved about Stevenson as The Punisher was the fact that he embodied the comic book version of Frank Castle from the looks down to his demeanor, whereas Tom Jane who was Frank Castle if he were a stiffly bitch-like overactor (“You mean Tobey Maquire? The gay monk that shoots webs?”). My issue with Jane was he did an okay job playing The Punisher, but he wasn’t being The Punisher. The Punisher is a man who shows no mercy, no restraint, and is a true soldier when it comes to the war on crime. And in a war nobody, especially the enemy, comes out clean or generally in one piece. In this version of the war the enemies of hundreds turn into thousands from the blood-curdling violence. To say that there are a few head removals in this movie is to say that flowers grow from the ground. All the moments of violence you wished were in the previous one, it all got thrown into this wagon, set on fire and launched from a catapult. Another noteworthy item about this movie is the fact that they were more true to the origins of The Punisher. The Tom Jane version he was an FBI agent who was involved in the killing of a money launderer during a sting operation, thus him and his family (all members of his family, not just his wife and son) was killed for retaliation. Bullshit. How The Punisher came to be in the comics was how it was mentioned in the movie, his family (mother, son and DAUGHTER) witness a gangland execution while on a picnic and are killed shortly after. Also he was an FBI agent with Special Forces training as Tom Jane, appropriately Stevenson was a military instructor as he originally was which is more prominent in the character archetype that is The Punisher.

As for Lexi Alexander’s take at The Punisher I truly enjoyed and wasn’t disappointed in the least. Clearly she referenced the comics for the storyline and it’s look, which is very dark contrast and also quite colorful at the same time. Kinda had a very nostalgic, ’80s feel from the way it was shot and also from a lot of the production design. They also included some references in some of the backgrounds as well, the one that stands out the most is there’s a big shootout that takes place at the end in a place called the Bradstreet Hotel, which is a reference to Tim Bradstreet (EXAMPLES) who did the cover art for the comics for quite a long time. And according to an article that there were many instances of The Punisher skull in the background, sometimes just as a fluke (article.) Comic book fan or not I highly recommend seeing this if you’re looking for a good ol’ fashion movie with a lot of violence in it. Until next time, keep making shit.

=Sketch/Ed

Amazon Links
Punisher Vol. 1: Welcome Back, Frank
Punisher MAX Vol. 1: In The Beginning
Punisher: War Zone Official Soundtrack (featuring Slipknot, Seether, and Rob Zombie)
Punisher “Well Suited” Shirt (a black shirt with his new armor)

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Here’s a little social experiment: Erase your MySpace page. Go ahead, you’re going to have to trust me on this one. And while you’re at it get rid of your Facebook page as well. Right now, I’ll wait. Also delete your LinkedIn profile and take yourself off of Match.com, Friendster, and Classmates.com. Peekyou, Flickr, and Twitter – all gone. Next, walk over to your window, open it up, remove the screen and collect the following items: PS3, XBox, Game Cube, etc. Toss ‘em right out that sucker. Cell phone? iPhone? Google phone? Yup, toss those out the window too. Just for good measure, if you are one of the last few still harboring a landline, might as well detatch that. And finally – this one is going to hurt – haul that television over to the window and let that big guy fly. That’s right, no more cable, no more HBO, no nothing.

DISCLAIMER: RKNet Blog is not responsible for any lost or damaged items resulting from this experiment, or injuries resulting from falling personal items.

So at this point you may be wondering what the purpose of all this is. I assume most of you readers wondered this before you removed your self from all connections between you and your friends, family, and business associates and threw thousands of dollars worth of electronics to the streets below. Well, the reason for this experiment is twofold. First, if I see one more commercial with that smarmy, coy douche bag, Dan Hesse I am going to devote the rest of my life to Durden-esque system-fighting. And two, the everyday life of too many Americans has become so crammed full of distractions that the important things in life are now self-obsessed, masturbatory (side note: “masturbatory” has actually been proven to be the funniest word in the English language, so go ahead and chuckle despite the seriousness of this topic) functions solely aimed at attention whoring or money grubbing.

Certainly one could blame poor parenting for creating generations of fickle minds and self-centeredness, but that’s a whole different conversation with sociological implications I am not currently prepared to address. What I do know however, is that I have watched plenty of television and felt the depraving addiction to lame TV programs. I have participated in social networks and felt the emptiness of wondering what strangers think of me. I have texted people for no reason, drunk dialed, and entertained other desperate attempts at pointless neediness.

“Hey, wait just a second,” you readers may be protesting at this point, “if you have detached yourself from social networks, communications devices and other mind-numbing electronics, what are you doing writing for a blog??” Very good question, dear reader. The unfortunate truth is I cannot do all of these things. (I tried by abandoning television and video games, which was a big step but ultimately trivial when compared to the lot of things I could not remove from my daily life. I also rationalized that ignoring people’s calls was like not having a cell phone, but it’s not.) This is why I need you all to carry out this experiment for me – for all of us.

It is my dream that one day I will be able to disconnect from everyone and from everything. I would urge everyone to at least consider it – if only temporarily, or only just a little. I have even considered moving to places that do not embrace a culture of television, do not have as much accessibility to internet, cable, cell phone towers, etc. Not only is it healthy, but I think it’s the only way to avoid a zombie apocalypse.

In this case I am using the term “zombie apocalypse” to refer to the very real possibility of the world ending at the hands of superficial morons, or as I like to call them, zombies.

There are of course many logical arguments against abandoning such useful devices as telephones, televisions and computers like,

“How am I supposed to communicate with the ones I love?”

“What if something important happens somewhere, I will have no way of knowing.”

“I may be left unprotected during emergencies.”

and other such fit-for-emo-song complaints. Well these are real concerns, but the true pessimist will see the benefit right away. A true realist will come around eventually. And you optimists have fun seeing how many friends you can horde on Facebook while civilization crashes down around you.

My point is that I cut out television from my normal life and felt better immediately – healthier, happier, so on. I also recognize my addiciton to attention through social networks and through cell phones and email, and it makes me feel dirty. I will even go so far as to say that I felt like a more genuine person before I got wrapped up in the tsunami of mass communication that is rapidly forming a global society. Too much staring at screens will drain you physically and obsession over image will drain you mentally, perhaps even change you. That is why I am warning those of you who may share my experiences. Get out now, while you still can.

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