RKNet Blog... Thing

Ordinarily, I get really excited when there’s mail sitting in my inbox saying that I’ve gotten a comment! While a lot of times it’s just an approval request for some spammer than actually bypassed Akismet, there are the periodic genuine comments which are always a joy. (And I thank you, commenters, for taking the time to talk back.)

Today however I got a rather nasty surprise. It was spam of the worst sort, it was a comment that had gone through because it actually followed the rules, but was clearly self-promotional dreck.

I don’t mind people being self promotional in the comments, to a point. The line in the sand, however, is obvious marketese and insincerity. The comment, copied below for your perusal, demonstrates everything I hate about people trying to promote themselves “naturally” on the internet. I took the liberty of removing the name of the site and all links from the comment, because quite frankly I don’t want to give these people or this person any extra exposure that they clearly don’t deserve for pushing my buttons.

—begin comment text—
[redacted] is a platform that uses the Internet to deliver high quality radio and video programming. Our demographic reaches an unlimited resource in a worldwide venue. The benefit to artists and advertisers is far reaching, but the most important product is our quality radio broadcast. What we deliver to the audience is what matters the most at [redacted] If you have not had a chance to hear a show, we encourage you to check us out. And always remember… YOU ROCK!
—end comment text—

This offending comment was left on Every Time You Blare Nickelback, God Smites an 80s Rocker.

You want to plug your website? Yourself? Something you like? Go for it. You can even do it in the comments. But for the love of all that’s good and right in this world, do yourself a favor and spare me and my readers the Patented Marketroid Output.

If the original commenter is indeed a human being and not a robot, I would love to have an open dialogue with you about how you can improve your self-promotion tactics so you don’t end up being banned, deleted, or belittled wherever you go. Truthfully though? You only have to remember one word: genuine. If your comments and your promotion doesn’t sound or feel genuine no one’s going to take you seriously, least of all someone who deals with marketing speak every day. Next time you want to comment here, please, just be yourself and not your company line.

Thank you!

Last, but certainly not least, comes this heated admonishment.
For the record, I have not at this time cancelled the shoutcast.
Viva la musica.

G,

The SEOians may be upset about this horrid loss of a radio comrade. But at least they have their clever wit, sick twisted humor, their own ipods and LFO to get off on in the absence of this most beloved of all radio stations. What will I have to get off on? I am alone in a world of darkness. I am alone in a world of Ron Paul discussions and beef jerky farts. I have no high fangled, state of the art equipment such as Ipods and Walkmans. Think of me….the lone poor kid without a pot to piss or shit in.
I compare shoutcast[redacted] not to chocolate milk, but instead to Ether and Sour Mix…..what would you do G, without that beloved liquid filtering down your throat and making happy in your brain? Where would you be without the color changing straws?? I tell you where……alone in a world of darkness just as yours truly is.
I will take this moment of silence to remember the good ol’ days, when I was first free from client Care and liberated to enjoy such things as Google Talk, the bathroom when I wanted, tea, frolicking in the park, puppies, kittens, Blue Latitudes and of course sweet sweet tunes. Provided by our fearless General of Jams, our Sargent of Song, the Mastermind of Music and so on and so forth.

Let’s take a stroll down memory lane……ummmm Radio Show??? What happened to that dream? I could have been the Robin to your Howard Stern! We could have had naked broads catching things in their jugs for gift certificates to the mall. How dare you steal my dream? Member-J-2xxx is right, the revolution for shoutcast[redacted] has started and you will continue to receive our constant email bombardments until this situation has been righted!

So…..anyway…wanna play some Baby’s on Fire for me?

For those not in the know, the herpes references do have a legitimate precedent, namely the origin story of the band Godsmack’s name.
Erna stated in a 1999 interview that “I was making fun of somebody who had a cold sore on his lip and the next day I had one myself and somebody said, ‘It’s a godsmack.’ The name stuck. We were aware of the Alice in Chains song but didn’t really think much about it. It’s a cool song and the name had meaning for us”. ~via wikipedia

They’re right. I’ve been smacked in the face by herpes crisps one (5,000) too many times. Now, I lie, drenched in a puddle of mud, SULLen and covered in sloppy joe. [Crawling in my Skin.] Through the mess, I’m screaming for the relief that only Shoutcast can afford.

How will I drag myself through the moist, oozing slit that is Monday without a little Stevie Ray Vaughn to carry me along? How shall I adequately pay homage to the upcoming dreams of Ether-and-Sour that Friday afternoon promises, without a little chair-dance-party-inducing DP? Without you and your [shoutcast] box, how would I have ever discovered the joys of Party Fun Action Committee and Cocorosie?

Admittedly, I’m not always logged on, but the solace that Shoutcast’s presence affords is the only thing that keeps me from tearing the face off of the greyface drones who play 3 Doors Down and Nickelback on the community radio for all of our listening pleasure. Please G. Reconsider. If not for the morale of your fellow comrades, do it to prevent the spread of herpes in the workplace.

I run a private, LAN shoutcast server for our office. Nothing terribly fancy, mind you, just a collection of my music and some of my co-workers’, mixed into a couple randomized playlists. I don’t have too many listeners although we’ve got upward of 100 people at the company these days. I recently made the decision to shut down for a variety of reasons, most of which were serious. I never realized what a row I would cause among my (rabidly) loyal listeners.

Below, for your viewing pleasure, is the first of several letters I received regarding my decision to retire as DJ. [some edits made for the assumption of privacy, and the separation of actual work life from this personal endeavor]

THIS IS A SERIOUS PROTEST. G, you can’t do this! You have created solace and safe-haven for those of us berated by PuddleofSmackLincolnBack. shoutcast[redacted] is the Batman of our Gotham City here at at Suite 260. Shoutcast is our only line of defense against the auditory pogroms waged by The Shark, HEB, and the mindless droning of ignorant half wits that shall remain nameless.

Taking away shoutcast[redacted] is like the Communist Party of India cutting off medical aid to the People’s Liberation Guerrilla Army. Without the Shoutcast you are leaving us unarmed and behind enemy lines. Take right now for instance, instead of listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Gimme 3 steps” for the 32,453,165,684,652nd time this week I can turn to the trusted shoutcast[redacted] for a much needed diddy by The Pillows. I have but a Dreamsicle’s chance in the Mojave of being able to make it through any given day of work without the delicious tunes provided the company radio. G, you must understand that you are the Coenraad Johannes van Houten behind the chocolate milk of our listening pleasure.

Albeit a motto belonging to a disturbingly misled organization that is funded by pure evil, “no man left behind” seems to be a phrase befitting this situation. In other words, whether there are only 3 listeners or not, those 3 listeners rely on you heavily. Without you there is no us. You provide a lifeline in a dreary wasteland occupied by slow moving cyborgs that enjoy Papa Roach, the Eagles, Michael McDonald (not for humor either!), Kid Rock, Fleetwood Mac and P.O.D. I would rather eat my own bloody vomit than go through a 9-5er without the physical and mental crutch that is the shoutcast[redacted].
I hope your heart stumbles upon my humble (yet eloquent) soliloquies and they help to sway your decision,
Helpless in [redacted],
Jesse [redacted]

With a plea that strong I seriously began to reconsider my decision.

So I was having a pretty good day today. Surprisingly good in fact, all things considered. When WHEB had to go and ruin it for me. Again.

This time, it wasn’t the overabundance of sloppy-joe instigating Herpes-Crisps (Godsmack), nor was it a double shot of Nickleback. No, this was something even more asinine. Today, the dj’s announced that, according to world-renowned psychologist Cliff Arnall, Monday, January 21, 2008 is “the most gloomiest day” of the year. Depressing nature of the retarded phrasing aside; none of these conclusions are all too revelatory, and… thanks for reminding me, Asshat.

Here’s what Arnall, an expert in the study of depression concluded, based on some mathematical formula that we’re not privy to.

This time of year produces six [how about 200] factors which lead to feelings of gloom and doom, and all of them converge today [as the cosmos align and Pluto weeps?] to “leave us at our most miserable.” The factors are as follows.

• Christmas Debt (Ok, Sure)
• A Feeling of Monotony after Christmas Cheer has Faded (Christmas Cheer?)
• Broken New Years Resolutions (I hope you knew better than to make any)
• Low Levels of Motivation (Um… This is a Temporary Thing?)
• A Desperate Feeling That You Need to Act to Improve Your Life (Always)

He goes on to offer a couple of insights as to how to combat “Blue Monday.”
1. Stop Whining. It is boring and you are boring. (I feel better already!)
2. Focus on the good things you do have in your life. If one of your limbs does not work, focus on the three that do. (Haha, Cripple.)

Enjoy the rest of your shitty day. But, chin up. Tomorrow the debt/motivation/goal-oriented fairy is due to swoop in and save the day.

Synopsis of totals available behind the cut:
Radio Rock: 1
Country: 2
Psychobilly: 1 (I would like to see Unknown Hinson in either country or Psychobilly. He’s great, you should google him and check it out!)
Pop: NA
Emo: NA
Original Emo: NA
Ambient: 0
Chillout: 5
Indie: 5
Metal: 0
Metalcore: 0
Hardcore: 0
Post Hardcore: 2
Grindcore: 0
Doom / Sludge / Experimental: 0
Powerpop: 2
Punk: 1
Pop Punk: 1
Street Punk: 0
Crust Punk: 1
Rap: 0
Hip-hop: 4
Ska: 0
Classic Rock: 12
90’s Alternative: 6
Industrial: 2
Electroclash: 2
Electronica: 2

My heritage wins out overall. If any bands are missing from my listening loop, please, fill me in! I really only checked off artists I either have albums for, or have a strong familiarity with. Which means there are several in these categories that I “sort of” know, but not enough to stand behind them for the purposes of this survey. Read the rest of this entry »