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From the What The Fuck Files: The “Shenis”

Giania — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 21:02:53 +0000

Hot:

If I may be so bold as to quote Animaniacs…

“It’s time for another good idea, bad idea”

Good idea:
A device that allows folks with female sex organs to pee standing up.
Bad idea:
Fashioning said device to look something akin to a giant golden dildo.

It’s certainly a device that’s an invention of necessity. Yet I fail to see the need for it to be – as the site describes it – 12 inches long, and golden. And as it’s stated on the site “The Ebony model is due out soon. It will be significantly larger than the gold model, come with wheels and is…priceless.”

I’m absolutely positive that concept of this device could be executed with a LOT more discretion. I can’t picture wasting that much space in a hiking or camping pack, much less a purse with something that huge. A plastic funnel would probably serve the same purpose, at that.

Plus, I’d bet a nickel they’ve done SOME kind of keyword research, too. On the “Blog On” page, I couldn’t help but notice the sub-header stating: “The Shenis fits all designer vaginas”. The designer vagina issue seems to be coming up a lot more lately, probably due to changes in surgical proceedures and promotion. (I distinctly recall complaining about the very idea, in fact.) They could probably do more to optimize for that particular keyword, but I find it’s placement and presence in general to be highly suspect.

Conclusion: This is a pure novelty item and I’m not terribly impressed, to be honest. Campers, hikers, and road-trip travelling ladies, just make sure you have a plastic funnel (or good directions). You’ll be fine. Don’t throw money at this silly attempt to provoke in the name of convenience.

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Fun Junk

Giania — Thu, 18 May 2006 04:54:00 +0000

Hot:

After visting the TokiDoki site I have found something to lust after. A crazy-hot slipcover for my iPod Shuffle. Mmm….. it’s Shuffle-icious. I discovered after a little poking about that they’re available from iSkin. There’s covers for iPod Mini also. I spend a good deal of time attached to my iPod, escaping the mindless chatter and din of the office, so to be able to feign a little style while I’m at it would be dead sexy. That, and it’d go well with my TokiDoki clutch purse that I picked up while in Vegas this past Feb/March. It was quite the find, in a little shop operated by some sweet, shy asian ladies. I can’t remember off the top of my head the details of the shop, but I’ll likely edit that in when I get home.

I was also shown a really neat little app earlier (courtesy of Doctor Launch from the Ormgas IRC channel). You can locate this app at Virtual Constructs under Downloads. Remember Mega Man 2? Remember the intro screen for the Robot Master stages? Well, how would you like your apps to launch like Robot Masters? Word. I like it a lot. If that makes no sense to you, visit the guy’s site and check out the details yourself! Nyah! It’s a novelty I’ll use myself for a bit, and probably expose others to at every given opportunity.

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MySpace is a scam… as originally posted on MySpace

Giania — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 01:52:00 +0000

Hot:

I will be the first to admit that I have been off the deep end lately. So I was not actually thinking when, earlier today, I pulled any and all notes of interest or personal information off of my profile page. However, upon further consideration I have come to a solid reason as to why it’s a good idea to leave it blank.

That reason is, I prefer not to be yet another willing whore to statistical marketing. Every bit of information that is input here in terms of what one is interested in, what category of things one clings to, the type of profiles one is linked to, is all juicy advertising feedback that you just willingly forked over. I never had a particular issue with standardized testing when I was in grade school (remember that stuff?) with the strong exception of one part: the personal data part. That being all the requested statistical data one was “strongly encouraged” to fill out prior to taking the test. I always had a problem with this procedure. “Why,” I thought to myself in my youth, “do they need to know if i’m white or asian, male or female, if this is a standardized test? It should be based on standards of education, not standards of human types, right?” Well, of course not, how can we continue to compartmentalize people by gender, race and religion in this country unless we do so via proper education and of course proper marketing? There are disadvantages to be had within a free, democratic, capitalist environment.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of this new wave of contextual advertising sites and blogs and the like. Hell, it’s very likely that it will make me some money as well, in which case I suppose that will make me some kind of statistical whore master, but I’d much rather be the master of this situation than the slave.

I am aware that every single day that goes by, I need things. Things to get my job done, things to stay alive, things because I want things. That isn’t slated to change any time in the near future. This site network is so bloated with advertising that I think it’s safe to say I’ve seen over-fed ticks that were more attractive. A very large percentage of this advertising is absolutely nothing that I want, need, or could be persuaded to buy. The beauty of the internet should be finding what you want, and need, faster than just having a bundle of Madison Avenue folks decide after months of grueling testing what you might want based on the reactions of a handful of people who are presumably just like you. How many times do you not give a shit what commercials are playing on TV? Unless you like making fun of them, my money is on a lot of the time.

And poor The Internet. It was once a paragon of searchable, on-demand information. Now with the advent of dummy sites, multiple sites with marginal differences, splogs, spam, and onmouseOver advertising media (fucking smilies can fuck off), how is it any different from from any of the other boxes that talk at us all day? Radio, papers, magazines, tv, you know, “traditional” media.
Anybody remember the old cartoons where the protagonist was trying to avoid something? Eating, or sleeping or killing some canary? All they would see everywhere would be signs for food, or rest, or roast chicken or something. And it would become a blur of neon signs until they could think of absolutely NOTHING besides that which they wanted to avoid. Traditional media (including billboards and shopfronts) pretty much innundates us with this kind of constant exposure conditioning towards consumption of goods and services. (When they aren’t taking a cue from our lovely government and using the fear tactic.)

This is the part where I get back to the idea at hand. Remember the concept of a searchable, on-demand, useful source of information…what was it called again? The Internet, right. Except for the part where we’re going to have to wait for Internet 2: Because We Fucked it Up Royal in Part One! Just like government, and any actual market for any goods or services, the end product is controlled by those allowed to be in control. In the case of the internet, control of the most visible sites is being left to the same type of people who convince you that Budweiser isn’t canned old people urine every year during the Super Bowl. This, I believe, falls under the category of “Just Fucking Lame”.

Myspace is a really convenient way for all types of marketers to mine for interest-related data on a very large group of people without having to pay for it or talk to anybody. I hate to pay for things, and I hate talking to people a little more every day, so I understand the allure here. How is anyone going to know that you have goods and services available unless you actually get the word out? The short answer is they won’t. In walks advertising to remedy the situation of woeful product anonymity. Yet there are more respectful ways to advertise on the internet without relying on a series of “personalized” pages that look like some kind of crayon box full of reconstituted dog shit and leet. (Note from the author: My current profile set up is hopefully minimized of these characteristics, however I have never been the most color-savvy web developer.)

I do have faith in search engine marketing, if the power-houses of search keep putting their foot down as much as they can about what sites are and are not authorities on keywords. I have faith in contextual advertising to an extent, although I fear the potential for rampant abuse is going to lead to issues with that as well. I would just like to move away from the constant bump-and-grind of the public media, and I was pretty sure that the internet should be able to provide that for me. Two types of sites seriously bother me: those with little control or direction in their actual visible marketing, those too much control over how interests are categorized and turned against the users, and those that fall under both catagories. As long as those type of sites exist, and are wildly popular, I find it hard to believe that the broadcasting medium of the internet will continue to hold much validity. All forms of media have had their novelty period, heyday, public trial, and ultimately have ended up as mistrustful sources of information. Yes, even the Almighty Internet. The cynicism isn’t too deeply ingrained in regards to the internet yet so I do reserve some hope for virtue over profit margin.

Not MySpace though, MySpace was created for the marketers, by the marketers, and unless you know a way to overthrow a dot-com, that’s what it’s here for and how it will stay.

Recommended Reading for those unimpressed by MySpace: http://www.trentl.com/?name=News&file=article&sid=50