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Analytics is Not a Perfect Science or How to Tie A Shemagh

Giania — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 02:44:50 +0000

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Until I started looking at the Analog 6.0 stat reports for the site, I had no idea what a shemagh was. Now I know it’s a it’s a style of head wrap which originated in the Middle East. If you really want to know how, ActionGear.com has a pretty handy tutorial (with pictures!).

However, you’re probably wondering what middle eastern head and face protection has to do with site analytics. I am rather mystified myself!

Observe the following:

Up until this very post, I have never talked about shemaghs. How could I if I had no idea that such a thing existed? (Well I’d seen the head wrap in films, mainly, but never in person and never knew what it was called.) I don’t show up in the first five pages of regular Google search results for the term “how to tie a shemagh”. Ditto the first five pages of image results. Nor blog search results (although I personally think I should show up for a lot more terms in the blog search category, this is one I should not show up for which makes this outcome unsurprising). Yahoo’s first five pages of results also pulled up no mention of my name. I checked the first five pages of MSN as well, just to make sure I wasn’t crazy. Still no mention of this site.

So what gives? Where does this rogue data come from? I am on shared hosting, but this is just plain out of the blue.
I am on shared hosting, granted, but my stats thus far has been without grievous errors like this. Any masterminds want to take a stab at why such a thing might happen? (Also, feel free to make fun of me for the quality of the other search terms that I legitimately DO show up for. lol mudkips.)

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Holiday-Shmoliday: Vintage V-Day Cards

Giania — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 23:34:31 +0000

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Poking about as I am wont to do, I discovered this Flickr account chock full of vintage Valentine’s Day cards. User Valart2008 has procured (at the time of this writing) 58 vintage card designs from the good old days. You know, when children were all extraordinarily hydrocepalic and wore thicker eyeliner and more rouge than a room full of goths.

I believe I’ve also found the culprit behind the shortening of the word “you” into the letter “u”. It all started back in the 50′s, with a little girl and a lamb.

Enjoy!

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Monday Night Madness: Sexual Harass Mints

Giania — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 06:46:11 +0000

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Okay so technically it’s Tuesday morning at this point. What are you going to do about it though? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

We’ll just jump right into it with this for preamble: Inappropriately hilarious video.

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From the What The Fuck Files: The “Shenis”

Giania — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 21:02:53 +0000

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If I may be so bold as to quote Animaniacs…

“It’s time for another good idea, bad idea”

Good idea:
A device that allows folks with female sex organs to pee standing up.
Bad idea:
Fashioning said device to look something akin to a giant golden dildo.

It’s certainly a device that’s an invention of necessity. Yet I fail to see the need for it to be – as the site describes it – 12 inches long, and golden. And as it’s stated on the site “The Ebony model is due out soon. It will be significantly larger than the gold model, come with wheels and is…priceless.”

I’m absolutely positive that concept of this device could be executed with a LOT more discretion. I can’t picture wasting that much space in a hiking or camping pack, much less a purse with something that huge. A plastic funnel would probably serve the same purpose, at that.

Plus, I’d bet a nickel they’ve done SOME kind of keyword research, too. On the “Blog On” page, I couldn’t help but notice the sub-header stating: “The Shenis fits all designer vaginas”. The designer vagina issue seems to be coming up a lot more lately, probably due to changes in surgical proceedures and promotion. (I distinctly recall complaining about the very idea, in fact.) They could probably do more to optimize for that particular keyword, but I find it’s placement and presence in general to be highly suspect.

Conclusion: This is a pure novelty item and I’m not terribly impressed, to be honest. Campers, hikers, and road-trip travelling ladies, just make sure you have a plastic funnel (or good directions). You’ll be fine. Don’t throw money at this silly attempt to provoke in the name of convenience.

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Halloween Indecision 2007

Giania — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 20:38:50 +0000

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Gentle Readers,
I am torn. Every year I say I am going to do something so unbelievably wicked awesome for halloween. Every year I flake out.

This year should be different. I have 2 ideas in mind. One involves a lot of money and would need to be done soon, one involves a lot of time and maybe a little less money and skills I don’t necessarily have.

Idea #1:
“Seaking-tan” – This idea would require me to come up with some manner of outfit that closely emulates the overall design concept of the Pokemon called Seaking. If you don’t know what Seaking is, you’ve been living under a rock. So for those under-rock-dwellers, see picture at left.
Pros: It has the potential to be awesome! It would be thoroughly unique, and incorporate one of my favorite Pokemon/memes at the same time. Done right, it would result in a really pretty costume. I can also do it however I see fit since it’s an impression and not an exact replica of an existing garment. By taking this approach, I couldn’t be labeled a fur-suiter.
Cons: It would require me to sew, which isn’t my strong suit. It could potentially be expensive if I shortcut by using some pre-made garments to save myself sewing work. I could totally screw up. Almost no one I hang out with knows the Seaking meme, or Pokemon enough to get what I’m going for, which would be a bummer.
See Also: DeviantArt Concept Drawing, and the “-tan” concept (as applied to operating systems)

Idea #2:
Suiseiseki – Yes I’m really that much of a weeaboo. Even though Suiseiseki wasn’t my favorite character from Rozen Maiden (I’m a Shinku fan, I admit it.), I feel as though I’d be more successful with attempting to acquire a Suiseiseki costume due to the character’s popularity.
Pros: I can buy pretty much everything I need off ebay, which saves the effort and intimidation of trying to sew something that complex. It would also be unique and awesome, given the predicted costumes of those I know. I adore the complexity of the Rozen Maiden costume designs. I could publicly desu spam as long as I want, or until someone punches me in the face.
Cons: Again, no one I know would get it. I couldget punched in the face. This costume has the potential to be very expensive, what with the wig, contacts, dress and accessories. I have no idea where to find the contacts or the wig. I am picky enough to want all the details to be right. I wear glasses to see and don’t know if I could get the colored contacts in my prescription.
See also: The picture above (click on it for full size, it’s hueg like X-box), the wiki entry on Suiseiseki, one of several ebay vendors selling cosplay supplies for Rozen Maiden

So there’s my dilemma. Weigh in and let me know what YOU would do in this situation. And hey, what do you want to be for Halloween?

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Sparks – This Town Ain’t Big Enough For The Both Of Us

Giania — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 01:34:13 +0000

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The video basically speaks for itself. After having listened to the song, I have to say I had not prepared myself for the experience the video had to offer.

Although shot on ’74 on a disco program, it foreshadows so much 80′s pomp and obscurity.

And either the lead singer is the most gender neutral/confused lead lady ever – Annie Lennox, Patti Smith, eat your hearts out! – or there’s some manner of lip synch going on there that I don’t even really understand. The curious fashion choices of the group don’t really help clarify anything either. If they slicked and spiked their hair and wore a lot more eyeliner they could be just like any of the weird internet-grown gimmick bands of today.

Look for funny moustache face at a minute and 20, and at 40 seconds left to go. Also pay close attention to the extremely apathetic audience.

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Dream Log: Ectobee & Past and Future Selves

Giania — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 16:45:40 +0000

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The dream log to follow really isn’t all that suprising to me. I’ve been re-reading The Dark Tower series (Stephen King, I’m on The Waste Lands) and quite frankly I’m probably crazy. The majority is unfortunately already disappearing into the fog of the waking world. A lot of what I do remember is NSFW in nature. That said, a handy cut tag will be employed for those more sensative of my gentle readers.

There was a cabin. It was dark out the whole time.
There was a young me being toted around by a younger man. The current me and the older version of that man encountered them and puzzled in utter amazement at this apparent time paradox. (I think the man may have been King himself. Again, unsurprising given my current reading material.) The younger me ran away into the woods, and a search party was formed to locate my youthful self. The fear was very real as I charged through the dark woods, calling my own name and wondering what damage this would do to my existance. (There was so much more to this portion, but I think the cat woke me up at the end of the dream and the distraction makes it difficult to remember.)
Something about this generated a monster. A vaporous, white glowing thing of teeth and shadowy eye sockets. I knew on some level that I was alone in this confrontation. I also knew that I had some control over the form. The misty form full of teeth and malice. It wanted nothing more than to hurt me. I tried to focus on some form, any other form, in the hopes of protecting myself. It metamorphosed into some kind of eldritch form of the Ectobee. (See upper left image here.) More like a real cephalopod than the adorable image I’m accustomed to, and still possessed of the vile teeth of the misty monster. It’s skin shone darkly, now it was far more solid than the whispy haunt it originated as and yet somehow less terrifying. I attempted to exert more control, to change this form further, to protect myself from this menace but it was too late. Tentacles lashed out at me, enveloping me. As I was thrown to my back and magically disrobed, I realized too late what my alternative to being devoured was. One of the tentacles squirmed into me and then back up to the creature’s maw. Again and again it dipped, as though I was a bowl of honey and it the sneaky child surreptitiously snacking before dinner. It was oddly arousing, I have to admit.
I woke up either during or shortly after that. I blame the cat. He’s developed a habit of waking me up starting around 5:30am and when that fails he’ll try off and on for the rest of the morning. My most potent dream cycles tend to occur during those morning hours of sleep. I’ve tried a variety of things to keep him from doing all the foul acts of destruction which rouse me from my sleep, but nothing seems to be working. If anyone has any suggestions, do let me know. Less cat interference means more exciting dream logs!

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Local Alarmists: New Haven “Flour” Menace

Giania — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 00:12:44 +0000

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Just when you thought the day’s news couldn’t get any more ridiculous, New Haven, Connecticut comes through with the whopper of the day.

A couple members of the Hash House Harriers – “A drinking club with a running problem” – were charged with first-degree breach of peace, which is a felony.

Their crime? Siblings Daniel and Dorothee Salchow used flour to mark the trail for the group’s other runners for that day’s jog and party. The flour was used because it’s noticable and biodegradable.

This in and of itself doesn’t sound so terrible, but the trouble began for the runners when their trail lead them through the parking lot of the local IKEA. Someone saw them sprinkling the flour through the lot and placed a call to the local authorities.

Later that evening, Salchow recieved a call from his wife stating that there was a problem. He rode his bike back to the IKEA to explain the situation, but the police were unimpressed. The city has also expressed desires to collect restitution for this “scare”, according to the spokeswoman for the Mayor, Jessica Mayorga.

My source, the Connecticut Post, notes a few other instances of flour-marked trails leading to legal issues as well.

The Salchows are now faced with the possibility of being convicted felons, and possibly a very large bill from the city of New Haven.

Personally, I wish them the best of luck. While one could potentially understand some degree of wary behavior towards anyone sprinkling anything in a public place, the reaction here seems rather extreme. It seems that only in New England can things like LED signs and flour-marked trails would lead to terrorist-related panic. This utterly unbelievable news blurb brought to you by the fine folks at IRC channel #subgenius.

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As Seen At PAX: He’s a Peach, Alright!

Giania — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 17:11:55 +0000

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A good friend of mine just came back from this year’s PAX, and being the brilliant photographer that he is, captured a lot of really great images from the conference. There’s more to come, but this one really stuck out.

This fine young con goer had this Peach costume custom made just for him. Truly, gentle readers, what more can be said about this priceless moment?

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Morning Muppetry: Mahna Mahna

Giania — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 14:44:52 +0000

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Caution: Exposure to monkey head shaped children’s sleeping bag/backpack combos while on Molly and K will cause one to question whether people are humans or muppets. It’s a strange sight to behold. Friends don’t let friends handle monkey sleeping bags while crazy on the MDMA. As “Bob” as my witness, I’ll never bring another monkey head shaped sleeping bag/backpack combo with me to another festival as long as I live. It’s just not fair to the MollyKins.