RKNet Blog... Thing

Fail Whale Pale Ale 08 Contest Label by Georgene Nunn is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at www.randomkitty.net.

In this mix, for your listening pleasure, I thought I’d slow things down, and stretch things out a little. Kind of get you all in the mood for some late night philosophy and spooning. I’m too cheap to ply all of you with booze so I thought I’d make you a mix tape, kind of give you a little something to ruminate on before I discuss the merits of an open view of love in this century and bum drinks off you all night. Hope that’s cool, ’cause we’re totally friends right broham?

Anyway, the background image for this tape is Sisters G from Gatochy’s flickr stream. I can think of no nicer image to go with the theme of “everything is better in pairs”. Except for maybe some extra-adorable mittens, but it’s Spring now and no more of THAT! Anyway, for the sake of not writing all over the lovely ladies’ faces, I just titled the tape “Pairs”.

Pairs are exactly what you’ll get on this tape. Let’s explore the contents, shall we?

1. Jesus and Mary Chain - April Skies
• I listened to this song the other day on the way to work and it improved my mood like nothing else could at that very moment. Music to soothe the savage neurotic.
2. Jesus and Mary Chain - Darklands
• The second J&MC track is one of my favorites. “I wanna move, I wanna go, oh I wanna go, do-do-de-do-do-doo…”
3. Donovan - There is a Mountain
• Heard this on the radio the other night and thought “WOW, Donovan was on a lot of drugs“. Pure listening enjoyment, here.
4. Donovan - Epistle to Dippy
• I went with one I’m unfamiliar with, to avoid the folly of ignoring deep tracks. It’s got a bit of a Velvet Underground feel. Check the pedigree though!
5. Jonathan Richman - Satisfied Mind
• I chose this track because it’s a classic (1955 by Porter Wagoner), and Richman’s treatment of it is a great introduction to his style.
6. Jonathan Richman - Springtime in New York
• Truth be told, all I can think of when I read this is Stephen King’s The Wastelands. It’s all those dreams about NYC they have.
7. Cocorosie - By Your Side
• Takes a helluva woman to offer to wear someone’s black eyes. I love the way they layer sounds.
8. Cocorosie - Butterscotch
• Why DOES butterscotch taste so good? Dig the sweet singing and electronic rooster noises.
9. Harry Nilsson - You’re Breaking My Heart
• The guy who wrote “one is the lonliest number” says fuck. Several times. AWESOME.
10. Harry Nilsson - Moonbeam Song
• From the sounds of this song, you can see where he fits with Richman and Donovan. Rich metaphor paired with a bare-hearted, literal approach combine for maximum enjoyment.
11. Jeff Tweedy - California Stars
• Just Jeff and the guitar singing a lovely tune from Mermaid Avenue that was originally penned by Woody Guthrie.
12. Wilco - Jesus, Etc.
• Rounding out this mix is Jeff with the rest of his usual band, Wilco, in a tune off of Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. The opening violin reminds me of Yoshi’s Island.

I hope you all enjoy this! What are some of your favorite pairs of songs?

Boy was it ever! I would explain it to you, but I barely understood it myself. For your listening pleasure, however, I’ve put together another mixwit mix tape that I feel helps express in very broad terms the kind of day I had.

Featuring

1. Kajiura Yuki - Key of the Twilight
2. Sonic Youth - Hits of Sunshine (For Allen Ginsburg)
3. Placebo - Bigmouth Strikes Again (cover)
4. Sebadoh - Too Pure (live)
5. The Tubes - White Punks on Dope
6. New York Dolls - Human Being
7. Tsunami Bomb - The Invasion from Within
8. The Distillers - Sick of It All
9. Howlin’ Wolf - Spoonful
10. New Radicals - I Don’t Wanna Die Anymore
11. New Radicals - Someday We’ll Know

I hope you enjoy it!

Now go read some James Joyce and get drunk!

Then after you’re drunk, read some of the dirty letters he wrote to his lady. Ooh la la!

This message inspired by: Shelfari and the urge to get drunk.

I love the riotclitshave photo blog!

With all the talk of female body augmentation and supplementation, I felt it was high time somebody treat the subject with the respect it deserves… by turning it into a children’s workbook sheet and making a contest out of it.

Below are 2 PDFs and a JPG version, meant for 8.5×11 standard printing. I opted to keep it black and white so as not to disappoint those sans color printer (like myself). Photoshop and meatspace entries are welcome. Due to an alarming lack of popularity of RKNet, I’ll run this contest for 2 weeks, starting today. (This also gives me time to determine prizes. Reasonable suggestions welcome!) The last entries must be in by February 27th at noon (EST). After that, I and my esteemed colleagues will proceed to pass them around, get piss drunk, and pick one at random. Which means, gentle readers, that it doesn’t matter how “good” or “bad” you actually do at this activity, because winning isn’t so much based on merit, as it is favoritism and inebriated whimsy! Isn’t that great?

• 480k JPG version
• 1.9mb PDF
• 171k lower quality PDF

Edit: I’ve resized some of the images, and added the blog URL to the bottom. Please feel free to print copies and leave them about.

Being, in suitable Measure, a humble Broadside in the Baroque Fashion, the Aim, inasmuch as mere Persons be possessed of a Will to divine Truths, and these Truths doth shew the Purpose and Designes of such a benevolent Creator, who, though a Deity endowed with Caprice, hath made Humankind in His Image, and there-by disencumb’red His Creation of a notably oppressive Weight; that is to say, the tragic Burden of Ignorance, and there-by shewed to mortal Persons, (not much unlike thy humble Scrivener, may it please the Reader), the Whys and Hows of this World; including forthwith certain Understandings of Natural Philosophy, which, through the Mercy (and possibly Oversight) of the Lord our God, divers Peoples, (both antiently and contemporaneous with our Modern Times and Days), hath educated their Selves by way of divers Disciplines and Reasonings, these being demonstrably unattainable by the lower Orders of Beastes, by Which is implied, but not to these Specimens limited, nor specifickally iterated, as the common Aurochs, the fearsome River-Horse of Africa, divers Sheepes, or Rattes, &c., &c., and seeing thusly, (if my Esteemed Reader permit me such Embellisshment) that the Milk of human Reason is accordingly, through a veritable and ostensible (though mysterious) Trans-Substantiation, congeal’d there-by into the Cheese of Civilization, by the Means and Devices previously elucidated, by Nature founding a mighty Precedent, by which Learned Persons may discourse, on the very Nature of the Thinge at Hand; to wit, a golden Shafte, the approximatte Breadth and Girth of a Man’s Rod (this being, an Euphemisme, much in Fashion, of Late employ’d in the Description or Ridicule of a Man’s generative Organ), assumedly Hollow’d, and carried by certaine fashionable Ladies of High Breeding, who, being some-what Inured to the Censure of the Mobb, may carrie about their Personages, for Use in conducting a fresh Jet of liquid Urine, from a Lady’s divine Holiest of Holies, to any number of Targets, Destinations, or Bodies of Water intended for Same, a Device or Engine known to the Vulgar as the “Shenis“.

Argument:

Previous Writings hath taken scant Account for the Merits of said Innovation, having elected to lambaste and be-labor the Shenis with some Scorn not entirely undeserv’d, and so discount the great Benefites, which can be enumerated at some length by thinking Persons.

These Criticisms, though frivolous in the Eyes of this humble Author, bear some Merit in their Repetition;

• The Shenis, following Use, in the Manner above described, contains various and sundry bodily Humors and Fluides which, if not cleansed with Water, Acqua Fortis, or Vitriol, may linger with-in the golden Shafte, (and also the Receptacle designated for Catchment); and certain Doctores of Physick, Natural Philosophers, Churchmen, Charlatans, Apothecaries, Wise-Women, Bone-setters, Seers, Wizardes, and Herbalists happen to advance the Radickal Claim that, as accumulated Detritus of this Nature may breed Swarmes of divers Diseases and Discomforts, including Locust-Crotch, Ague, and The Itch, so close Handling of a Shafte long Impregnated with Effluvia may confer said Ailments on the noble Bearer Herself, much to the Dismay of the Lady and her Companions.
• The Shenis, being an extaordinary gilded Phallus, in Length not smaller than twelve Inches, is a Sight so extra-ordinary as to attract undue Oversight and Scrutiny from Persons of Quality, and these Gentlefolk, though devoted in Spirit to Modernity, may quail at the Acceptance of the common Use of such an Artifact which, by Comparison with various and sundry Dildoes, &c., &c., formerly in Possession of the Borgia Popes, or the Emperor Caligula, rival these Objects for sheer, unmitigated Decadence, Tackinesse, and conspicuous Excess. (In Sooth, dear Reader, thy humble Author admits the Truth of this, yet holds Unconvinc’d that this Item be a Faulte).

These Arguments, and divers Others, may certes be applied contra the Shenis, as many a contrary Opinion or Idea seemeth, while the Moon shines, to be well-reason’d or inviolable. The Esteemed Reader should, however, accept a Caution: that the Sun, as He rises and rudely violates the Brains of the recently Awakened (and typically Hung-Over) like a buggering Miscreant, also dispels Arguments which, upon secondary Inspection, are reveal’d to be Naught but the Excremental Discharge of ethereal, ephemeral Dreams, such as Those dream’d by One much devoted to the Pracktice of daily imbibing certaine Inexpensive Pharmacopoeic preparations.

This Author proposes a strong Counter-Argument, which, though not Infallible, (as only the Work of the Creator may be beyond Reproach), may serve to Illuminate a particular Pointe, as ruthlessly as does the Sun to the Retinas of the intemperate Drunkard, there-by rendering him a gormless Wrack of his former Self, and which, by outweighing other divers worthy Criticisms of the Shenis by reason of the greater Merit, should mote it necessary for the Publick to embrace the Shenis, and all Things Shenile:

Namely, that the Shenis is a suitable Accoutrement for Ladies of Distinction, who happen to be in the Habit of conducting the Exploration of divers low Taverns, slatternly Boozeries, certaine disreputable and ill-favor’d Stores of Convenience, and Dwelling-Places or Work-Places of sluttish or boorish Persons, for the Reason that, in such Circumstances as typically befall a Man, where-in he is forced, by his own bewilderingly wretched Drunkenness, or a Sense of sheer Meanness, or by a noble and gentlemanly Lust for unholy and awful Vengeance, to unfurl his mighty Member from behind his Codpiece, Sporran, Greaves &c., &c., and thence let forth a voluble Column of Pisse, for the Purpose of instilling Ignominy and Fury in the hearts of his Enemies- or possibly just from drunken Perversity, targeting some Object which would not benefite from such Bespatterment, id est: a Trashe-canne, or some-such other Item which requires Handling and subsequent Dis-posal by a deservedly furious Peasant or impertinent, surly Wage-Slave.

Long have Females, and Women particularly, labored under the Notion, that utilizing an Adversary’s Trashe-canne, for an amusing makeshift Privy, while in a State of vindictive Drunkenness, is an impossible Methodology. With divers technologickal Engines, such as the Shenis, can we now ensure that the Womanly Sector of our Populace is as equally forearmed, for this dire Contingency. Concomitant with the Advent of the Shenis, this Author augurs a Rise in the regard of the Female gender, and increased Respect paid to Ladies Hither and Yon.

In summation- Fine Ladies who indulge in Purchases of this or similar “Engines for the Guidance of Urine” shall make known a dire, yet silent, Ultimatum; “Your Respect, if you please, Knave, else your eventual Trip to the Dumpster shall be a dribbly and foul Journey indeed.” Victims of such unspeakably gruesome Treatment, upon their subsequent Bemoistening, may reflect on their Habits and Ways of conducting their Business, and possibly improve Same.

If these Rogues change not their Manners, repeated Shenisings may, at Least, alter their Tune.

I went in to reproduce the first wallpaper in a more common format and went and made a different one entirely. Luckily for you this one is in 1024×768, which is much more common than the previous one which I have yet to doctor into something more practical.

For this I found myself inspired by the age-old saying: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” - which is a load of crap, but somehow charmingly sentimental. Ah well. Enjoy the fruits of my blood, sweat, and tears you freeloaders… er, I mean, enjoy the wallpaper. Don’t forget to re-visit this and the previous post for more sizes of each. Card friendly PDF versions for easier printing will be generated on-demand.

Last, but certainly not least, comes this heated admonishment.
For the record, I have not at this time cancelled the shoutcast.
Viva la musica.

G,

The SEOians may be upset about this horrid loss of a radio comrade. But at least they have their clever wit, sick twisted humor, their own ipods and LFO to get off on in the absence of this most beloved of all radio stations. What will I have to get off on? I am alone in a world of darkness. I am alone in a world of Ron Paul discussions and beef jerky farts. I have no high fangled, state of the art equipment such as Ipods and Walkmans. Think of me….the lone poor kid without a pot to piss or shit in.
I compare shoutcast[redacted] not to chocolate milk, but instead to Ether and Sour Mix…..what would you do G, without that beloved liquid filtering down your throat and making happy in your brain? Where would you be without the color changing straws?? I tell you where……alone in a world of darkness just as yours truly is.
I will take this moment of silence to remember the good ol’ days, when I was first free from client Care and liberated to enjoy such things as Google Talk, the bathroom when I wanted, tea, frolicking in the park, puppies, kittens, Blue Latitudes and of course sweet sweet tunes. Provided by our fearless General of Jams, our Sargent of Song, the Mastermind of Music and so on and so forth.

Let’s take a stroll down memory lane……ummmm Radio Show??? What happened to that dream? I could have been the Robin to your Howard Stern! We could have had naked broads catching things in their jugs for gift certificates to the mall. How dare you steal my dream? Member-J-2xxx is right, the revolution for shoutcast[redacted] has started and you will continue to receive our constant email bombardments until this situation has been righted!

So…..anyway…wanna play some Baby’s on Fire for me?

Tonight is the company christmas party. A handful of us are circumventing the overpriced drinks scandal by pre-gaming hardcore. I expect someone to fall victim to the Rocky Mountain Bearfucker. (I’m not convinced that’s the right recipie, will update when I’m sure.)

Gotta dig my car out from out underneath about a foot and a half of snow before any of that.