It all started when the #ormgas IRC bot piped up with the following:
wormgas: Garlic icecream is a huge pupa in a special ops team to assasinate bin laden and his wife. It’s his thirtieth birthday!
Next thing I know, over in #ectomo I’m being introduced to a bitchin’ Cibo Matto track from Jet Set Radio Future!
Another version, illustrated by hand for someone’s English project. Will help you figure out the lyrics.
HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!
In this mix, for your listening pleasure, I thought I’d slow things down, and stretch things out a little. Kind of get you all in the mood for some late night philosophy and spooning. I’m too cheap to ply all of you with booze so I thought I’d make you a mix tape, kind of give you a little something to ruminate on before I discuss the merits of an open view of love in this century and bum drinks off you all night. Hope that’s cool, ’cause we’re totally friends right broham?
Anyway, the background image for this tape is Sisters G from Gatochy’s flickr stream. I can think of no nicer image to go with the theme of “everything is better in pairs”. Except for maybe some extra-adorable mittens, but it’s Spring now and no more of THAT! Anyway, for the sake of not writing all over the lovely ladies’ faces, I just titled the tape “Pairs”.
Pairs are exactly what you’ll get on this tape. Let’s explore the contents, shall we?
I hope you all enjoy this! What are some of your favorite pairs of songs?
Ordinarily, I get really excited when there’s mail sitting in my inbox saying that I’ve gotten a comment! While a lot of times it’s just an approval request for some spammer than actually bypassed Akismet, there are the periodic genuine comments which are always a joy. (And I thank you, commenters, for taking the time to talk back.)
Today however I got a rather nasty surprise. It was spam of the worst sort, it was a comment that had gone through because it actually followed the rules, but was clearly self-promotional dreck.
I don’t mind people being self promotional in the comments, to a point. The line in the sand, however, is obvious marketese and insincerity. The comment, copied below for your perusal, demonstrates everything I hate about people trying to promote themselves “naturally” on the internet. I took the liberty of removing the name of the site and all links from the comment, because quite frankly I don’t want to give these people or this person any extra exposure that they clearly don’t deserve for pushing my buttons.
—begin comment text—
[redacted] is a platform that uses the Internet to deliver high quality radio and video programming. Our demographic reaches an unlimited resource in a worldwide venue. The benefit to artists and advertisers is far reaching, but the most important product is our quality radio broadcast. What we deliver to the audience is what matters the most at [redacted] If you have not had a chance to hear a show, we encourage you to check us out. And always remember… YOU ROCK!
—end comment text—
This offending comment was left on Every Time You Blare Nickelback, God Smites an 80s Rocker.
You want to plug your website? Yourself? Something you like? Go for it. You can even do it in the comments. But for the love of all that’s good and right in this world, do yourself a favor and spare me and my readers the Patented Marketroid Output.
If the original commenter is indeed a human being and not a robot, I would love to have an open dialogue with you about how you can improve your self-promotion tactics so you don’t end up being banned, deleted, or belittled wherever you go. Truthfully though? You only have to remember one word: genuine. If your comments and your promotion doesn’t sound or feel genuine no one’s going to take you seriously, least of all someone who deals with marketing speak every day. Next time you want to comment here, please, just be yourself and not your company line.
Thank you!
Last, but certainly not least, comes this heated admonishment.
For the record, I have not at this time cancelled the shoutcast.
Viva la musica.
G,
The SEOians may be upset about this horrid loss of a radio comrade. But at least they have their clever wit, sick twisted humor, their own ipods and LFO to get off on in the absence of this most beloved of all radio stations. What will I have to get off on? I am alone in a world of darkness. I am alone in a world of Ron Paul discussions and beef jerky farts. I have no high fangled, state of the art equipment such as Ipods and Walkmans. Think of me….the lone poor kid without a pot to piss or shit in.
I compare shoutcast[redacted] not to chocolate milk, but instead to Ether and Sour Mix…..what would you do G, without that beloved liquid filtering down your throat and making happy in your brain? Where would you be without the color changing straws?? I tell you where……alone in a world of darkness just as yours truly is.
I will take this moment of silence to remember the good ol’ days, when I was first free from client Care and liberated to enjoy such things as Google Talk, the bathroom when I wanted, tea, frolicking in the park, puppies, kittens, Blue Latitudes and of course sweet sweet tunes. Provided by our fearless General of Jams, our Sargent of Song, the Mastermind of Music and so on and so forth.Let’s take a stroll down memory lane……ummmm Radio Show??? What happened to that dream? I could have been the Robin to your Howard Stern! We could have had naked broads catching things in their jugs for gift certificates to the mall. How dare you steal my dream? Member-J-2xxx is right, the revolution for shoutcast[redacted] has started and you will continue to receive our constant email bombardments until this situation has been righted!
So…..anyway…wanna play some Baby’s on Fire for me?
For those not in the know, the herpes references do have a legitimate precedent, namely the origin story of the band Godsmack’s name.
Erna stated in a 1999 interview that “I was making fun of somebody who had a cold sore on his lip and the next day I had one myself and somebody said, ‘It’s a godsmack.’ The name stuck. We were aware of the Alice in Chains song but didn’t really think much about it. It’s a cool song and the name had meaning for us”.
~via wikipedia
They’re right. I’ve been smacked in the face by herpes crisps one (5,000) too many times. Now, I lie, drenched in a puddle of mud, SULLen and covered in sloppy joe. [Crawling in my Skin.] Through the mess, I’m screaming for the relief that only Shoutcast can afford.
How will I drag myself through the moist, oozing slit that is Monday without a little Stevie Ray Vaughn to carry me along? How shall I adequately pay homage to the upcoming dreams of Ether-and-Sour that Friday afternoon promises, without a little chair-dance-party-inducing DP? Without you and your [shoutcast] box, how would I have ever discovered the joys of Party Fun Action Committee and Cocorosie?
Admittedly, I’m not always logged on, but the solace that Shoutcast’s presence affords is the only thing that keeps me from tearing the face off of the greyface drones who play 3 Doors Down and Nickelback on the community radio for all of our listening pleasure. Please G. Reconsider. If not for the morale of your fellow comrades, do it to prevent the spread of herpes in the workplace.
I run a private, LAN shoutcast server for our office. Nothing terribly fancy, mind you, just a collection of my music and some of my co-workers’, mixed into a couple randomized playlists. I don’t have too many listeners although we’ve got upward of 100 people at the company these days. I recently made the decision to shut down for a variety of reasons, most of which were serious. I never realized what a row I would cause among my (rabidly) loyal listeners.
Below, for your viewing pleasure, is the first of several letters I received regarding my decision to retire as DJ. [some edits made for the assumption of privacy, and the separation of actual work life from this personal endeavor]
THIS IS A SERIOUS PROTEST. G, you can’t do this! You have created solace and safe-haven for those of us berated by PuddleofSmackLincolnBack. shoutcast[redacted] is the Batman of our Gotham City here at at Suite 260. Shoutcast is our only line of defense against the auditory pogroms waged by The Shark, HEB, and the mindless droning of ignorant half wits that shall remain nameless.
Taking away shoutcast[redacted] is like the Communist Party of India cutting off medical aid to the People’s Liberation Guerrilla Army. Without the Shoutcast you are leaving us unarmed and behind enemy lines. Take right now for instance, instead of listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Gimme 3 steps” for the 32,453,165,684,652nd time this week I can turn to the trusted shoutcast[redacted] for a much needed diddy by The Pillows. I have but a Dreamsicle’s chance in the Mojave of being able to make it through any given day of work without the delicious tunes provided the company radio. G, you must understand that you are the Coenraad Johannes van Houten behind the chocolate milk of our listening pleasure.
Albeit a motto belonging to a disturbingly misled organization that is funded by pure evil, “no man left behind” seems to be a phrase befitting this situation. In other words, whether there are only 3 listeners or not, those 3 listeners rely on you heavily. Without you there is no us. You provide a lifeline in a dreary wasteland occupied by slow moving cyborgs that enjoy Papa Roach, the Eagles, Michael McDonald (not for humor either!), Kid Rock, Fleetwood Mac and P.O.D. I would rather eat my own bloody vomit than go through a 9-5er without the physical and mental crutch that is the shoutcast[redacted].
I hope your heart stumbles upon my humble (yet eloquent) soliloquies and they help to sway your decision,
Helpless in [redacted],
Jesse [redacted]
With a plea that strong I seriously began to reconsider my decision.
So I was having a pretty good day today. Surprisingly good in fact, all things considered. When WHEB had to go and ruin it for me. Again.
This time, it wasn’t the overabundance of sloppy-joe instigating Herpes-Crisps (Godsmack), nor was it a double shot of Nickleback. No, this was something even more asinine. Today, the dj’s announced that, according to world-renowned psychologist Cliff Arnall, Monday, January 21, 2008 is “the most gloomiest day” of the year. Depressing nature of the retarded phrasing aside; none of these conclusions are all too revelatory, and… thanks for reminding me, Asshat.
Here’s what Arnall, an expert in the study of depression concluded, based on some mathematical formula that we’re not privy to.
This time of year produces six [how about 200] factors which lead to feelings of gloom and doom, and all of them converge today [as the cosmos align and Pluto weeps?] to “leave us at our most miserable.” The factors are as follows.
He goes on to offer a couple of insights as to how to combat “Blue Monday.”
1. Stop Whining. It is boring and you are boring. (I feel better already!)
2. Focus on the good things you do have in your life. If one of your limbs does not work, focus on the three that do. (Haha, Cripple.)
Enjoy the rest of your shitty day. But, chin up. Tomorrow the debt/motivation/goal-oriented fairy is due to swoop in and save the day.
Huey Lewis is in dire need of your assistance. Wait, he is? According to MattressPolice.com he most definitely is in need of YOUR help, and my help, and apparently anybody’s help. Harnessing the power of the mighty internet, this fellow named Diesel (I’ve got a funny story about that name in another context, but I digress) has issued a solemn plea to get Huey Lewis back into the hearts and ears of everyone who partakes of classic rock radio.
In the words of the fossil fuel named author himself:
The avowed purpose of this blog is to bring back the genius that is Huey Lewis. In particular, I want Huey to get the airtime on classic rock radio stations that is being squandered on hacks like BTO and Foghat.
As of this posting he’s only got 59 comments to this petition. Maybe Akismet is working overtime? This is where you come in. Only YOU (and me, and a ton of other people) can actually raise a big enough stink to get people to acknowledge the greatness that is Huey Lewis (with or without The News, though for the record I’d prefer with).
Reasons I’m in favor of this cause personally?
The author also raises several very good points as to why Huey Lewis will make a very important contribution to the distribution and serving up of classic rock, but I’ll let you determine for yourself.
I gotta dollar store eagle on my shoutcast box
he’s got stubby feet and a busted tail
His flag looks just like cake
Lost my cool but found it again,
it wasn’t misplaced so much as set aside for the sake of proper ventilation
what’s a good cure for shoulder pains?
Today was just seriously unreal.
Much more of this and I don’t know what I’ll do.
In what can best be described as a very long pitch to get people to join a group called Question Authority on MondoGlobo, Phil Leggiere provides this timeline of the Bill of Rights during the Bush Administration.
It does cite sources all along the way, such as the NY Times, Slate, and US Today, so it can’t really be written off as so much unverifiable conspiracy theory. Still, this is a very long timeline, stretching in a rather poorly designed column from 2001 to this year.
There are gems like this:
June
In “Bong Hits for Jesus” case Supreme court rules that student free speech rights do not extend to promotion of drug use.
And more urgent-sounding items brought up such as:
May
National Security Presidential Directive 51 (NSPD-51) establishes a new post-disaster plan (with disaster defined as any incident, natural or man-made, resulting in extraordinary mass casualties, damage or disruption) which places the president in charge of all three branches of government. The directive overrides the National Emergencies Act which gives Congress power to determine the duration of a national emergency.
Note: For what it’s worth, both of those items are from this year.
It would be really nice if someone could arrange this in a more smooth, visual fashion, rather than a giant article. It is far easier to swallow large timelines of events when arranged as, well, a timeline.
Incidentally, after a little poking around, I discovered that RU Sirius is a member of Question Authority, and the group itself was created by user “MondoGlobo“, who in turn links to 10 Zen Monkeys. All that lead me to look back through Valleywag, where I discovered a brief blurb about MondoGlobo, 10 Zen Monkeys, and RU Sirius.
Given all that, it is difficult to say at this time if the agenda of Question Authority and this timeline is to generate more members for the group, or to generate attention to MondoGlobo itself.
Some kids play in the sandbox. We play in the.... litterbox??? The RKNet staff is pleased that you decided to stop by. Currently this is a multi-author project, with a rotating cast of totally kooky characters. Contact giania [at symbol] gmail [dot] com if you'd like to play here too.
Author's Page: Giania
